Recent Additons to My Little Sister's Jokes

My Little Sister's Jokes > Recent Addition List

New jokes posted on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
Happily maintained by the Community of Emmitsburg, MD.

Help us build our joke and story bank.
E-mail us at: humor@emmitsburg.net


	5/9 - Click here to read all the jokes posted on this date on one page
	A man went to the cinema. As he sat down to watch the film and his eyes... I was walking past the mental hospital the other day... Job Hunter’s Blues Items From the Food Periodic Table One Liners to Make You Smile Red state - Blue state - Redneck logic! My daughter says she has to smoke two joints ...
	5/7
	A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 69 A travel agent looked up from his desk and saw an older lady and an older gentleman... What Computer Acronyms Really Mean We're about to enter the peak of the hurricane season The new five dollar bill ...
	5/5
	A woman was lamenting that she had gained weight Arkansas's Rules A Scottish lad and lass were sitting together on a heathery hill in the Highlands IRS Rebate Check Police Quotes ... This Is India .... It's Where You Call When You Have a Technical Problem with Your Computer
	5/2
	You Work in Corporate America If... Old Rancher's Advice A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!" In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today ... 21 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work Australian Measuring Techniques If you don't already think animals are far more spiritually advanced than we humans, think again.
	4/30
	The human body is a machine that is full of wonder Congress Votes to Outsource Presidency Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 68 An 17-year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she was pregnant A tourist from the Arkansas area was hiking through the Ozark mountains The best advertisement war in recent memory
	4/28
	Miles passed away yesterday after a year long battle with cancer
	4/25
	Excerpts from real British Military writes Officer Fitness Reports A man decided to decorate his bedroom. He wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper... Good Advice Military Style One day, three men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor The Engineer's Song (Sung to the Tune of the Beverly Hillbillies) Even a wee bit of smoke will get ye! Maybe you haven't seen it all ...
	4/23
	Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 67 Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good but... If you think taxing marriage will reduce child abuse, you must be a Colorado Democrat Lost in translation ...
	4/21
	An Indian Chief was asked by a white government Official... A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money There was a mine in a small town that had completely collapsed A very zealous soul-winning young preacher recently came upon a farmer working in his field Remote Control Fishing Why you don't want to piss off a woman!!!
	4/18
	A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law Two guys are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide A Brunette, a Redhead, and a Blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof The Wisdom Of Our Time... Why women stay single Little Known Naval History
	4/16
	A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?' Life in the 1500's Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 66 Now this is a big pig!
	4/14
	In the beginning, God created heaven and earth... You know you work for a company from hell when their policy for... Tired of his low approval ratings, the President called up the head of the CIA... A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub The egg, the lemon and the orange ... 2008 Presidential Candidates
	4/9
	Two deer hunters were standing on a ridge near a highway in rural south Mississippi... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 65 Sarcasma - sarcasm relief capsules A old snake goes to see his Doctor Farm Humor Military Aviator Heaven Sarcasma - sarcasm relief capsules
	4/7
	A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life... As the young couple prepare to go to bed on their wedding night... A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup An engineer, a psychologist, and a theologian were hunting... I wonder if they come in different colors?
	4/4
	A couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot A young trial lawyer was defending a man accused of burglary, known for being witty... A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard... Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives Oprah Winfrey goes to Dr. Phil and confides in him... You're poorer then you think Only in New York ...
	4/2
	You might be a redneck pilot if... Political science for dummies In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness... This Year's Stupid People Award Winners Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 64 During World War II the Army Corps of Engineers...
	3/31
	You may find this hel pful around the house/garage... A man was sitting alone in his study one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown Of economy Being Irish Means... Amazing technology from Japan...
	3/28
	You know you're from Arkansas when... Not the brightest bulbs in the lamp... Tips for us ladies in year 2008 A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair... Top 4 idiots of the year - 1, 2, 3, 4 Media Release: IKEA has announced its intention to start selling cars
	3/26
	A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!" In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water there is bacteria Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 63 The best surgeon in the world... There once was a rich man who was near death Getting Old Sucks ...
	3/24
	After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift Did They Mean to Say That? An elderly Jewish man has just moved to a new town... A mother and a baby camel were talking one day when the baby camel asked... Last Sunday, my three year granddaughter was baptized Spend your income tax refund here
	3/21
	Why you always feel smarter after a few beers... Signs That Things are Weird A policeman is driving along the road when he gets an urgent message ... A football player had an eye gouged out during a particularly violent game More notes written by parents to excuse their children's absences from school Chinese "Blue Angels" Another Australian out for a stroll...
	3/14
	Oath of Enlistments By all Means... Marry! What car names really mean ... Motivations This Dog is NOT Going to Heaven Baby Dos and Don'ts
	3/12
	Ten Commandments for a Responsible Pet Owner ... as dictated by the pet Easter this year is (2008) Irish Smiles Gentle thoughts for today Latest from Peugeot
	3/7
	A man was waiting at an intersection for a circus to pass by... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 62 A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened Job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas A man with a gun went into a bank and demanded their money Why you shouldn't wear those stupid ear phones... It's taken me ages to get the permits through...
	3/5
	When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes... A butcher is working, and really busy. He notices a dog in his shop and shoos him away A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar. After awhile... Are you lonely ... then call a meeting!
	3/3
	A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring... Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin... A Sunday school teacher was giving her class the assignment for the next week Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 61 A man walks into shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says... Things only a guy would do ...
	2/29
	Difference between Men and Women Movie computers vs real Computer A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked I was traveling in 'Blue State' when a tire on my car blew out Murphy on Work Friends come and go! Watch the end! BBQ Grills Designed By Men For Men
	2/25
	A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button Two cowboys come upon an Indian lying on his stomach with his ear to the ground After returning home from his honeymoon ... Once again discrimination rears its ugly head
	2/22
	A local bean farmer was blessed with a wonderful crop this fall A new retiree greeter at Walmart just couldn't seem to get to work on time As a Grandmom, we all know our wonderful grandchildren turn into brats... One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living How not to try to thaw your car door lock Irish Entrance Exam ...Can you solve this within 1 minute?
	2/20
	A man is strolling past the mental hospital and suddenly remembers an important meeting A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray... Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant! Growing Older Is... A magazine invited its readers to submit new scientific theories on any subject Pick your favorite Caption. (I love that look)
	2/18
	Learn something new today... A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled New Rules for Pilots over Age Sixty At a marriage seminar held by the local Catholic church... More actual newspaper headlines... Parent of the Year Awards...
	2/15
	Why fathers are such great babysitters A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau takes an apartment... More worthy rules to live one's life to ... The very best ... err worst, of one line groaners A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist Ten things you'll never hear a dad say... Things a Cat Must Remember... Russian Candid Camera Why you should never swallow your chewing gum
	2/13
	8th Grade Final Exam: Salina, KS - 1895 A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog Questions for Seniors Four Things You Probably Didn't Know Your Mobile Phone Could Do How the stimulus package really works
	2/8
	An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name... Blond One liners A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old) An elderly gent was invited to his old friends' home for dinner one evening Employee Placement Method Jay Leno's favorite interviews If I drive her home, can I be Vice President?
	2/4
	Several years ago, when I lived in New York and flew to customer sites often... A computer technician received a call from a man ... A person was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. Unable to locate the Capitol Red Skelton's Recipe for the Perfect Marriage I heard a story about Fiorello LaGuardia who was mayor of New York City ... Can your elephant do this? If a picture is worth a 1,000 words, this one speaks volumes.
	2/1
	A minister decided to do something a little different one Sunday morning You Know You're Growing Older When Things you will never hear a southerner say ... A 5th grader asked her mother the age-old question, 'How did I get here?' The best sawed in half trick I have ever seen My wife always wanted a riding lawn mower
	1/30
	As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up On a recent weekend in Atlantic City, a woman won a bucketful of quarters at a slot machine Bubba and Clem found three hand grenades... There was a Pastor whose wife was expecting a baby... The news interviewed an 80-year-old lady who had just gotten married for the 4th time Passport Control The temperature in Harbin reaches forty below zero...
	1/28
	A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day The World's Shortest Fairy Tale! Pondering the Imponderable The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time Worker's Reality Pictures from the last space shuttle mission
	1/25
	Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead!" Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business The doctor, who was known for his extraordinary treatment of arthritis... An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car... Darwin Award Hopefuls - Download Video 1, Video 2, Video 3, Video 4, Video 5 You've heard of wedding cakes ... here's a divorce cake!
	1/23
	The Commanding Officer of a Marine Corps Regiment... Ten Ways to Becoming a Better Equestrian You know you're Italian when ... I was recently riding with a friend of mine Why give it up now?
	1/21
	A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff Why Guys Can't Win A stockbroker was nervous about being in prison... The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious... A Redneck student was visiting a Yankee relative ... A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful Diamond bracelet... Power Windows... The Cruelest Form of Eye Tests for Old Geezers...
	1/16
	What it 'Really' really means In a news conference Deanna Favre, wife of Green Bay Packer ... You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have to like 'em! A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink Who says beer doesn't impair judgment ...
	1/14
	Rules for dog owners (suggested by their dogs) Out to dinner, a man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant... One winter morning during breakfast a husband and his blond wife were listening to the radio Why Ronald Reagan made such a great president ... Bakery Employee: "How can I help you?"
	1/11
	An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard ... Doctors: What they say & What they really mean! Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 60 One day the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting... How to blow a deer off a frozen lake Sign of the times
	1/9
	A man owned a small farm in Iowa... A man walks to the corner of Oxford Street and Regent Street in London... An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress From time to time, people tell me "lighten up, it's just a horse..." I always heard the term "funny car" but now I think I've finally seen one.
	1/7
	Last month, a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and... Three nuns on a train had been getting to know one another... Oh, how we love words. These are some... strange definitions Talk about a lucky guy...
	1/4
	An old country preacher had a teenage son ... A 1st grade school teacher had twenty-six students in her class Let the Groaning begin! A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day ... Honda Physics video Always be nice to others because . . . Time will make a difference!
	1/2
	A blond sat in her stalled car, waiting for help A hunter and his friend were sitting in a tree stand early one cold December morning A banker saw his old friend, an eighty-year old rancher... A couple of old guys were golfing one day... A minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made Need we say anything else ...
	12/21
	It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well... Christmas facts to bore friends and family ... The History of the Christmas Carol Father Christmas: An Engineer's Perspective The Department of Defense is going to assist Santa with the Twelve Days of Christmas ... Larry the Cable Guy's version of 'twas the night before Christmas Fire Rainbow
	12/19
	Gift Wrapping Tips for Men Christmas Tree Trivia Rules of Etiquette When the Power is Out Due to an Ice Storm More Ways to Confuse Santa Claus Merry Christmas Frosty gets caught picking his nose ...
	12/17
	Ways to Confuse Santa Claus Christmas Riddles As you know, it is very important for Santa and his reindeer to be very quiet... Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick... A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix These rocket scientists are concreting solid steel pillars to stop vehicles from parking...
	12/14
	A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof More Real Technical Support Calls When you are tense, let me teach you to relax The Americans With No Abilities Act More Automobile Acronyms The real ending to the story of the marooned FedEx deliveryman Everybody's doing Kung Fu fightin!
	12/12
	When god first created Eve things went along quite well for a time... A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise... 'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck Dumb Blond vs. third grader ... "Hey lady, I think I found your problem!"
	12/7
	How To Simulate A 6 Month Navy Cruise A Blond was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down... Test your math!!! A man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home Menopausal Women in a Parking Lot An Engineer's explanation of women
	12/5
	More humorous observations on life Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute Funny Signs The White Lie Cake The old Indian chief called for the two bravest warriors in the tribe Be still, be very, very still ...
	12/3
	A man arrives at the theater to see the latest production... Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities... A motorway walks into a pub one day I was asked to make a statement concerning certain events that occurred yesterday Mood buttons you can't wear to work - Take 2
	11/30
	Toddler Miracle Diet A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing... School Best Sellers A man wanted to get married but was having trouble choosing among 3 likely candidates Best DWI test ever Mood buttons you can't wear to work - Take 1
	11/28
	Everything I need to know about life I learned from old TV shows Other uses for Vodka Montana Dumb Laws A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41... Abe, an old Jewish man, was dying Some really strange things happen...
	11/26
	A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant... I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet division for about a month... A blonde was mowing her lawn when she accidentally cut off the tail of her cat... A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot Sven was out shopping when he met his friend Ole outside the jewelers How wonderful the love of animals can be...
	11/21
	How to cook a turkey A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy ... T'was the night of Thanksgiving, But I just couldn't sleep... For most people, Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on what we've been given ... When I was a young turkey, new to the coop ...
	11/19
	In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report... Paddy staggered home very late after an evening with his drinking buddy... Bumper Stickers for Women An old man was a witness in a burglary case How to speak about women and be politically correct Hampshire (England) police thought it would be a good idea to advertise on the rear of a bus
	11/16
	Two old guys met in the park every day to feed the pigeons... Jake is struggling through a bus station with two huge and obviously heavy suitcases One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well The heaviest element known to science ... All Wheel Drive Happy Sunset ...
	11/14
	Top 10 Signs Your Presidential Candidate is Under-Qualified NASA was interviewing professionals they were thinking of sending to Mars The computer company, where my wife works, distributed a corporate-clothing catalogue It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 59 Where's your camera when you need it? Take 2
	11/12
	Once upon a time, there was a prince who, through no fault of his own... Two rednecks in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard Old is when... An old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near, he called his lawyer A woman calls her boss one morning ... Where's your camera when you need it? Take 1
	11/9
	Much of Australia has been in the grip of drought for years... Two children were in a doctor's waiting room. A little girl was softly sobbing The human body is a machine that is full of wonder Surfer Dog Jewish mother's wedding invitation
	11/7
	Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town... A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry ... A professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton's ... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 58 So you think you had a bad day - take 2
	11/2
	A teacher in the back country presented her students with the first half of a proverb ... Ten-for-Dinner Blonde More Dis-Inspirationals How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? Do these remind you of anyone you know at work?: Coffee Cup Holder - Elastic Band So you think you had a bad day - take 1
	10/31
	Job Placement Aptitude Test Oscar drove his brand new Mercedes to his favorite sporting goods store Computer Error Messages A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year at his summer home... How a butterfly put a hole in your roof Um ... do the kids get extra credit for this?
	10/29
	Eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, Kansas Quotes by Albert Einstein During a airline flight a Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms A man went to a dentist one day for a regular check up What every office needs ...
	10/26
	A man with a nagging secret couldn't keep it any longer A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl... The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief Mrs. O'Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin ... Cat Wakeup Call
	10/24
	Actual Answers From Students On Music Exams A Preacher was explaining that he must move on to a larger congregation A young man with a slight hearing problem, is in an accident and his eye is poked out A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced ... A salesman dropped in to see a business customer An interesting fact Manure Hammer King Political Commentary
	10/22
	Top Ten Reasons to Ask Your Boss For A Raise Halloween one liners ... There was a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans A banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat Halloween Pumpkins - Take 1
	10/19
	Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House... When Insults Had Class The minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn ... A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis ... A prospective juror was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter... Why aborigines need mobile phone Top Fountains of the World
	10/17
	Abby a 9-years-old, she was given an assignment ... One of the world's greatest scientists was also the original absent-minded professor Now you know everything! Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 57 Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife Coffee Art ... You can't do this with a Tea Bag!
	10/15
	A young blonde man volunteered for military service during World War II The Nose-Picking Glossary Many people are unaware that Frank Sinatra was an ecologist A female humpback whale had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines Marriage one liners ... If this reminds you of your job ... it's time to get a new one ...
	10/12
	Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband... A guy comes home from work and over dinner asks his wife... When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion... Recent Quips from Late Night - Take 55 A young boy had just got his driver's license and inquired of his father... Hilary Ambivalence Syndrome Is it Friday yet?
	10/8
	It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum... A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall Some fascinating things on old tombstones! Seniors Under Attack ... How do they do it?
	10/5
	How To Ask A Man To Do Something Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals... Two elderly ladies met at the laundry You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When... A professor at Texas University was giving a lecture of the supernatural And you thought your printer had problems Now this is what I call a sneaky duck!
	10/3
	One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river.