Here's a solution to all the controversy over full-body scanners at the airports. Have a booth that you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you.*

It would be a win-win for everyone, and there would be none of this crap about racial profiling and this method would eliminate a long and expensive trial. Justice would be quick and swift..*

Case Closed!

The bigger the ego the thicker the skin,
The bigger the lie the smoother the spin,
The more the disdain the wider the grin -
There’s only one goal and that is to win.

The promises made they never will keep,
The artful denial of prejudice deep,
The wondrous reforms that are not, but they’re cheap –
The goal is the same. Who cares if we weep?

When to serve all the people is to serve only one,
To distribute the wealth is something they shun,
And the cudgel of fear has only begun –
Democracy’s lost. Self-interest has won.

"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"

"Honestly?"

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, heck, Ma, why bring that up at a time like this?"

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

• The survey was a failure because of the following:
• In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.
• In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.
• In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.
• In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.
• In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.
• In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.
• In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
• In Australia, they hung up, because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.

• "A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar." H. L. Mencken
• "Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties." George Clooney
• "Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material." Dave Letterman
• "Politicians are wonderful people as long as they stay away from things they don't understand, such as working for a living." P. J. ORourke
• "Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary." Robert Louis Stevenson
• "Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." Ronald Reagan

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President, and that our taxes, and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%.

Since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off six of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me, since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lot and found six Obama bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change; I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.

All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged, everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too, so they studied little. The second Test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average was an F.

The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. All failed to their great surprise and the professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail because the harder to succeed the greater the reward but when a government takes all the reward away, no one will try or succeed.

-- the problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other peoples' money. Margaret Thatcher

This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday. The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?" I thought this was the BEST idea.....

I think this guy nailed it!

Dear Mr. President, Patriotic retirement:

There's about 40 million people over 50 in the work force -pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:

1. They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2. They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3. They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.

Can't get any easier than that!

Thank you for helping my neighbors with their mortgage payments. You know, the ones down the street who, in the good times, refinanced their house several times and bought SUV's, ATV's, RV"s, a pool, a big screen TV, two Wave Runners and a Harley. I was wondering, since I am paying my mortgage and theirs, could you arrange for me to borrow the Harley now and then?

P.S. They also need help with their credit cards; when do you want me to start making those payments?

P.P.S. I almost forgot - they didn't file their income tax return this year. Should I go ahead and file for them or will you be appointing them to cabinet posts?

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, 'I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.'

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to and whispers, '$2,700.'

The Governor is incredulous and whispers back, 'You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?'

The Chicago contractor whispers back, '$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire that guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.'

'Done!' replies . And that my friends, is how it all works in Illinois politics!!!

I feel our government should not be immune from similar risks. I therefore am recommending the following cuts to be implemented by the next president elect.

Reduce the House of Representatives from the current 435 members to 218 members and Senate members from 100 to 50 (one per State). Also reduce remaining staff by 25%. Accomplish this over the next 8 years. (two steps / two elections) and of course this would require some redistricting.

Some yearly monetary gains include:

• $44,108,400 for elimination of base pay for congress. (267 members X $165,200 pay / member / yr.)
• $97,175,000 for elimination of the above people's staff. (estimate $1.3 Mil in staff per each member of the House, and $3 Mil in staff per each member of the Senate every year)
• $240,294 for the reduction in remaining staff by 25%.
• $7,500,000,000 reduction in pork barrel ear-marks each year. (those members whose jobs are gone. Current estimates for total government pork earmarks are at $15 Billion / yr)

The remaining representatives would need to work smarter and would need to improve efficiencies. It might even be in their best interests to work together for the good of our country?

We may also expect that smaller committees might lead to a more efficient resolution of issues as well. It might even be easier to keep track of what your representative is doing.

Congress has more tools available to do their jobs than it had back in 1911 when the current number of representatives was established. (telephone, computers, cell phones to name a few)

Note: Congress did not hesitate to jump on a train for home this week when it was a holiday, when the nation needed a real fix to the economic problems. Also, we have 3 senators that have not been doing their jobs for the past 18+ months (on the campaign trail) and still they all have been accepting full pay. These facts alone support a reduction in senators & congress.

Summary of opportunity:

• $ 44,108,400 reduction of congress members.
• $282,100,000 for elimination of the reduced house member staff.
• $150,000,000 for elimination of reduced senate member staff.
• $ 59,675,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining house members.
• $ 37,500,000 for 25% reduction of staff for remaining senate members.
• $ 7,500,000,000 reduction in pork added to bills by the reduction of congress members.
• $ 8,073,383,400 per year, estimated total savings.

Big business does these types of cuts all the time.

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2009, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

... American politicians can return to reality. For instance, Sarah Palin has invited to her great state of Alaska the men who defeated her, Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

She has provided a moose hunting trip for their enjoyment and has hired two other prominent men to assist them. Dick Cheney will instruct them in safe gun handling, and Ted Kennedy will drive them back to their cabins in the evening.

What a gal! That Sarah is such a sport and thinks of everything!

• "Those who enter the country illegally violate the law." - Nov. 28, 2005
• "We don't believe in planners and deciders making the decisions on behalf of Americans." - Sept. 6, 2000
• "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." - Dec. 19, 2000
• "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness." - Aug. 30, 2000
• "I think we agree, the past is over." - May 10, 2000
• "I understand small business growth. I was one." - Feb. 19, 2000
• "This foreign policy stuff is a little frustrating." - April 23, 2002
• "I want everybody to hear loud and clear that I'm going to be the president of everybody." - Jan. 18, 2001
• "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." - Jan. 3, 2000
• "I was proud the other day when both Republicans and Democrats stood with me in the Rose Garden to announce their support for a clear statement of purpose: you disarm, or we will." - Oct. 5, 2002
• "I just want you to know that when we talk about war, we're really talking about peace." - June 18, 2002
• "I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein." - May 25, 2004
• "I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society." - Aug. 13, 2002
• "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." - Sept. 17, 2002
• "The truth of that matter is, if you listen carefully, Saddam would still be in power if he were the president of the United States, and the world would be a lot better off." - Oct. 8, 2004
• "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." - Sept. 29, 2000
• "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." - Aug. 5, 2004
• "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" - Jan. 11, 2000
• "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." - Jan. 27, 2000
• "They misunderestimated me." - Nov. 6, 2000

The Republican spokesman replied, 'That's because McCain's supporters are at work.'