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A recent college graduate took a new job in a hilly city...
... and began commuting each day to work through a tiring array of tunnels, bridges and traffic jams. Thinking it would make the trip more bearable, he invited several coworkers to share the ride. However, the commute actually
got more stressful, especially the trips through the tunnels. He consulted the company doctor.
"Doc," the frustrated commuter complained, "I'm fine on the bridges, in the traffic, in the day and at night, and even when Joe forgets to bathe all week. But now, when I get in the tunnels with those four other guys crowded
into the car, I get anxious and dizzy, and I feel like I'm going to explode."
Without further analysis, the doctor announced he had diagnosed the ailment.
"What is it, Doc? Am I going insane?"
"No, no, no, my boy. You have something that is becoming more and more common."
"Tell me! What is it?"
"You have what is known as Carpool Tunnel Syndrome."
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My father is an avid fan of a nearby university's football team.
During a recent season, his team got off to a poor start, and almost every Saturday afternoon Dad sat ranting at the TV screen.
One day, after loud shouts of disgust, silence fell.
Puzzled, my mother went into the living room to find him quietly watching a World War II movie.
"I just switched over to something that I knew we would win!" Dad explained.
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Harmonica Player
A solider stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find,
along with several dozen lesson & music books.
Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then snuggle all night. I've missed you so much!"
The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica."
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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| At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died... ..., and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Navy
Master Chief, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away. They gave him a glass to drink.
The old Chief tasted it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."
"That's correct", said the boss.
"Another glass, please." It's a Cabernet, eight years old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires three more years for finest results."
"Absolutely correct. A third glass."
It's a Pinot Blanc Champagne, high grade and exclusive'' calmly said the old Chief.
The director was astonished and winked at his secretary as to suggest something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The Master Chief tried it. "It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if I don't get the job, I'll name the father."
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street...
... with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled."
Submitted by Dan, Buford, S.C.
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A new doctor had arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody.
Everyone was amazed with what he could do - everyone except for Mr. Thompson, the town skeptic.
Grumpy old Mr. Thompson went to visit this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. When it was time for his appointment he told the doctor, "Hey, doc, I've lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so
what are ya goin' to do?"
The doctor scratched his head and mumbled to himself a little, then told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47."
So the doctor brought the jar out, opened it, and told Mr. Thompson to taste it. He tasted it and immediately spit it out, "This is gross!" he yelled. "Looks like I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Thompson," said the
doctor. So Mr. Thompson went home.... very mad.
One month later, Mr. Thompson decides to go back to the doctor and try once again to expose him as a fake, by complaining of a new problem. "Doc," he started, "I can't remember anything!" Thinking he had the doctor stumped
now, he waited as the doctor scratched his head, mumbled to himself a little, and told Mr. Thompson, "What you need is jar number 47, it's......"
But before the doctor could finish his sentence, Mr. Thompson was cured and fled the room!
Submitted by Brian, Emmitsburg, Md.
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| Landmine Disposal - Download Video
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Jan 9th Humor Page |
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