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A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street.
It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet.
"Is this where Frank lives?" one of the drunks asked.
"Yes, it is," the woman replied.
"Well then," said the drunk, "Could you come and pick him out so the rest of us can go home?"
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| After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life... ... an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores, he picked up a mirror and looked into it.
Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
'How 'bout that! he exclaimed, 'Here's a picture of me Fadder.'
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'
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Mr. Jacobson decided to take a week off from the pressures of the office and went skiing.
Alas, no sooner did he reach the slopes than he heard an ominous rumbling: moments later a sheet of snow came crashing toward him.
Fortunately, Mr. Jacobson was able to jump into a cave just before the avalanche hit. Just as fortunately, he had matches with him and was able to light a fire.
Hours later, when everyone but Mr. Jacobson had returned, a rescue team was sent to search for him.
After several hours they saw smoke curling from the cave and went to investigate.
Poking his head into the entrance, one of the rescuers yelled, "Mr. Jacobson, are you there? It's the Red Cross."
Bristling, the harried executive called back, "Get lost. I gave at the office!"
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Top Ten Questions On The Application To Become Mitt Romney's Running Mate
- Bank account: Swiss or Cayman Islands?
- Why would Mitt hire you instead of cheaper, foreign labor?
- Ever shot a hunting buddy in the face?
- Mind if Mitt's dog rides in your car?
- Are you willing to strongly support both sides of every issue?
- What traffic sign best describes the way you make whoopee?
- Do you promise not to vote for Obama?
- What's the name of your dancing horse?
- Have you ever Anthony'd your Weiner?
- Can Mitt borrow your tax returns?
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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You Know You're A Redneck When...
- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
- Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
- One or more of your kids were conceived on a pool table.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
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It's just dawned on me....
- My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day.
- He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants.
- His meals are provided at no cost to him.
- He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise.
- For this he pays nothing and nothing is required of him.
- He lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than he needs and he is not required to do any upkeep.
- If he makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
- He has his choice of luxurious places to sleep.
- He receives these accommodations absolutely free.
- He is living like a King, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever.
- All of his costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
- I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick .......
- I think my dog is a member of Congress
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa
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The room was full of pregnant women and their partners...
... and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.
The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. And, gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt you to take the time to go walking with your partner!”
The room really got quiet.
Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.
“Yes?” replied the teacher.
“Is it alright if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”
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| Why people Love Jack Russells - Download Video
Submitted by Cathy, Storington, England
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June 11th Humor Page |
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