Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.

• You know more than 10 people who own boats and they all park them at the same marina in Annapolis
• 1 hour is an easy commute to work
• You have more than three recipies for crabcakes
• French fries just don't taste right without Old Bay
• There are more than two crab places in your town
• Even your high school cafeteria made good crabcakes
• You got your first lacrosse stick before you were six years old
• You call all turtles "terrapins"
• You refer to your state as "Merlind"
• Your mother shops at Hecht's
• You still call Six Flags America "Adventure World", or even >"Wild World"
• You can tell the difference between the smells of septic and marsh
• You not only know how to eat hard crabs but you also know how to catch them, >cook them and tell the males from the females.
• You don't think that Assawoman Bay is a strange name for a body of water.
• You know perfectly well why Rehoboth is called "Little San Francisco."
• M R Ducks makes perfect sense. So does C M Wangs.
• You think Salisbury is a big city.
• You think of dumplings as wet slippery squares of boiled dough
• You and your boss take off of work when the fish are running or the ducks are flying in.
• You think of "Dairy Queen" as a pageant title and not a place to get an ice cream.
• "Formal wear" is a ball cap, a flannel shirt and Timberlands.
• You still root for the Orioles even when they suck
• You'll never understand why tourists come to DC.
• When in Florida, you can only laugh when you see signs saying
• "Real Maryland Blue Crab Cakes!"
• You color with "Crowns", take a "Share" with "Wooter" and think the president lives in "Warshenton."
• You know the difference between Glen Burnie ghetto and Catonsville ghetto.
• Your whole family lives within a 200 mile radius of your town.
• At least one man in your family is a waterman
• You plan for "The Festival" a year in advance.
• During the summer, you spend more time in Ocean City than at home
• Your radio dial is stuck on 99.1
• You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Maryland.

• You can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you. You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.
• Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.
• You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or street. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.
• You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
• You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.
• If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.
• There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
• You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion. 

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when:

• Your grandfather had a fig tree.
• You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
• Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
• Your mom's meatballs are the best.
• You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.
• Plastic on the furniture is normal. You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."
• You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy." You've called someone a "mamaluke." And you understand "bada bing."

And last but not least ... Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony? On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said TO: NY.

• A right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in the left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in before hitting the orange construction barrels,
• Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal,
• Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation,
• Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered "going with the flow."
• The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance you have of getting hit,
• Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
• Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs,
• Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after you pass the last exit before the backup.
• Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful information. they are only there to make Long Island look high-tech, and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked on the median.
• Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.
• Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions, and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.
• Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move over doesn't mean that a Long Island driver flashing his high beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.
• Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or even if someone is just changing a tire,
• Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up,
• It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may be followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way to work, or the beach,
• Learn to swerve abruptly. Long Island is the home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to potholes
• It is traditional in Long Island to honk your horn at cars that don't move the instant the light changes,
• Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of way, except in Garden City where it acts as an invitation to duel or play chicken,
• Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and left before proceeding. In Long Island it is common to stop and then decide which direction to turn,
• Remember that the goal of every Long Island driver is to get there first, by whatever means necessary,
• Real Long Island female drivers can put on makeup, and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour, during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic,
• Real Long Island male drivers can take off pantyhose, unsnap a bra with one flick of their wrist at seventy-five miles per hour during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic,
• Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way of insuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards, and new vehicle sales.

Submitted by John, Upton, Long Island

Editors note: this was originally titled "Driving in Long Island' but Great site, Jay of Glen Cove, Long Island correct us ...

"That guy "John from Upton, Long Island" may live here but he can't possibly be from here! Why? Because nobody drives IN Long Island, we drive ON Long Island, BIG difference!"

You Live in New York City when...

• You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
• You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
• You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery    Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
• You think Central Park is "nature,"
• You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
• You've worn out a car horn.
• You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You Live in Maine when...

• You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.
• Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
• You have more than one recipe for moose.
• Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
• The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You Live in the Deep South when....

• You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
• "Ya'll" is singular and "all ya'll" is plural.
• After five years you still hear, "You ain't from 'round here, are Ya?"
• "He needed killin' " is a valid defense.
• Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, etc.

You live in Colorado when....

• You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
• You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, and he stops at the day care center.
• A pass does not involve a football or dating.
• The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You live in the Midwest when...

• You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
• You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.
• You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"
• When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"

You live in Florida when....

• You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
• All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
• Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
• Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
• Cars in front of you are often driven by headless people.