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A wilderness area asked hikers to fill out comment cards.
These are actual comments left by hikers:
Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter.
Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call XXX-XXX-XXXX.
Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights.
Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
Need more signs to keep area pristine.
A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead.
The places where trails do not exist are not well marked.
I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake.
Too many rocks in the mountains.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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| An eminent forensic psychiatrist was called to testify in court.
A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that its rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform.
"Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney.
Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment.
Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and reseated herself on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk.
"Well, Doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "perhaps if we started with an easier question ..."
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day...
... when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Covert to Catholicism and get $10."
One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"
"Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it."
Abe says, "What are you, crazy?"
Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it."
With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.
"So," asks Abe, "did you get your ten dollars?"
Murray looks up at him and says, "Is that all you people think of?"
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Two police officers respond to a crime scene behind a grocery store.
The homicide detective is already there. "What happened?" asks the first officer.
"Male, about twenty-five, covered in Raisin Bran and dead as a doornail."
"Good grief," says the second officer. "Didn't we have one covered in Frosted Flakes yesterday? And Captain Crunch last week?"
"You're right. I'm afraid," said the detective as he took a drag from his cigar, "this is the work of a cereal killer."
Submitted by Al, Seattle, Wa.
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You Know You Have Had Too Much Coffee When...
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Juan Valdez names his donkey after you
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You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked
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You grind your coffee beans in your mouth
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You sleep with your eyes open
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You have to watch videos in fast-forward
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You lick your coffee pot clean
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Your eyes stay open when you sneeze
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The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse
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You can type sixty words a minute with your feet
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You can jump-start your car without cables
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Your only sources of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low"
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You don't sweat, you percolate
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You've worn out the handle on your favorite coffee mug
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You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee
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You've worn the finish off you coffee table
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The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you
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Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house
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You're so wired you pick up FM radio
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Your life's goal is to "amount to a hill of beans"
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Instant coffee takes too long
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You want to be cremated just so you can spend eternity in a coffee can
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You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar"
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Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position
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Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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A doctor stopped a nurse to brief her on a patient's condition.
"This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play golf again unless you follow my orders exacty."
The doctor then began listing orders:
"You must give an injection in a different location every twenty minutes followed by a second injection exactly five minutes after the first. He must take two pills at exactly every hour followed by one pill every fifteen
minutes for eight hours. He must drink no more and no less than ten ounces of water every twenty-five minutes and must void between.
"Soak his arm in warm water for fifteen minutes then place ice for ten minutes and repeat over and over for the rest of the day. Give range of motion every thirty minutes. He requires a back rub and foot rub every hour. Feed
him something tasty every hour. Be cheerful and do whatever he asks at all times.
"Chart his condition and vital signs every twenty minutes. You must do these things exactly as I ordered or his injury will not heal properly, and he will not able to play golf well."
The nurse left the doctor and entered the patient's room. She was greeted by anxious family and an equally anxious patient. All asked the nurse what the doctor had said about the patient. The nurse started, "The doctor said that you will
live." Then quickly reviewing the orders, the nurse added, "But you will have to learn a new sport."
Submitted by Vicki, Downingtown, Pa.
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| A dramatic surprise in a quite square in Brugge - Download Video
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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Submitted by Cathy,
Storington, England
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May 9th Humor Page |
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