I politely said, "This is Chris. May I
please speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed
down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I
tracked down Robin's correct number and called her. I had
transposed the last two digits of her phone number. After hanging
up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the
same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an ignoramus!" and
hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word
'ignoramus' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple
of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him up and yell, "You're an ignoramus!" It always cheered me
up.
When Caller ID came to our area, I thought
my therapeutic 'ignoramus' calling would have to stop.So, I called
his number and said: "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone
Company. I'm just calling to see if you're interested in the
Caller ID program?" He yelled "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I
quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an
ignoramus!"
One day I was at the store, getting ready
to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off
and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the
horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot
ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling
the first ignoramus (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I
had better call the BMW ignoramus, too. I said, "Is this the man
with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and
the car's parked right out in front."
"What's your name?"
"My name is Don Burgemeyer," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an igranomus."
Then I hung up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to
call. But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as
enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called
ignoramus #1.
"Hello."
"You're an idiots!" (But I didn't hang
up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I screamed back.
"Who are you?" he demanded.
"My name is Don Burgemeyer."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 1802 West 34th Street, Idiots!
It's a yellow house, with my black beemer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over there right now,
Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared,
ignoramus." Then I called Idiots #2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, ignoramus," I said...again,
without hanging up.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you
are!"
"Yeah, you'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, ignoramus, here's your
chance. I'm coming over right now." Then I hung up and immediately
called the police, saying that I lived at 1802 West 34th Street,
and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover. Then I called
Channel 9 News to let them know about the war going down on West
34th Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th
street. There I saw two ignoramus beating each other in front of
six squad cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.
NOW, I feel better. Anger management
really works!!!
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
