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What's The Difference Between
Roast Beef And Pea Soup? ...
... Anyone Can Roast Beef!
- How Do You Catch A
Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.
- How Do You Catch A Tame Rabbit? Tame
Way, Unique Up On It.
- How Do Crazy People Go Through The
Forest? They Take The Psycho Path.
- How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The
Hell Out Of It.
- What Do Fish Say When They Hit A
Concrete Wall? Dam!
- What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The
Ice too Long? Polaroids
- What Do You Call A Boomerang That
Doesn't work? A Stick.
- What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't
Yours? Nacho Cheese.
- What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
- What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In
Quicksand? Quatro Sinko.
- What Do You Get From A Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
- What Do You Get When You Cross A
Snowman With A Vampire? Frostbite.
- What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean
And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.
- Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
- Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
- Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky
Dive? Because It Scares The Dog.
- What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The
Titanic? Sanka.
- What Is The Difference Between A Harley
And A Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
- Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall
Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
- What's The Difference Between A Bad
Golfer And A Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad
Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
- How Are A Texas Tornado And A Iowa
Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer.....
Submitted by
Debbie,
Middletown, Md.
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My Little
Sister's Jokes,
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Letter sent to the principal of a
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly.
This story is a credit to
all humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling
that it leaves you with ...
Dear Reyer School:
God bless you for the beautiful radio I
won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I'm 94 years old and
live at the Memphis County Home for the Aged.
My family has long since passed away and I
rarely have visitors. As a result, I have very limited contact
with the outside world. This makes your gift especially welcome.
My roommate, Maggie Cook, has had her own
radio for as long as I've known her. She listens to it all the
time, though usually with an earplug or with the volume so low, I
can't hear it. For some reason, she has never wanted to share it.
Last Sunday morning, while listening to
her morning gospel programs, she accidentally knocked her radio
off its shelf. It smashed into many pieces, and caused her to cry.
It was so sad. Fortunately, I had my new radio. Knowing this,
Maggie asked if she could listen to mine. I told her to pound sand
and die!
God bless you for your kindness to an old,
forgotten lady.
Sincerely, Edna Johnson
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About Aging, My Little
Sister's Jokes
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Everyone Needs this List to
Live by ...
- The most destructive habit: Worry
- The greatest Joy: Giving
- The greatest loss: Loss of self-respect
- The most satisfying work: Helping
others
- The ugliest personality trait:
Selfishness
- The most endangered species: Dedicated
leaders
- Our greatest natural resource: Our
youth
- The greatest "shot in the arm":
Encouragement
- The greatest problem to overcome: Fear
- The most effective sleeping pill Peace
of mind
- The most crippling failure disease:
Excuses
- The most powerful force in life: Love
- The most dangerous pariah: A gossiper
- The world's most incredible computer:
The brain
- The worst thing to be without: Hope
- The deadliest weapon: The tongue
- The two most power-filled words: "I
Can"
- The greatest asset: Faith
- The most worthless emotion: Self-pity
- The most beautiful attire: SMILE!
- The most prized possession: Integrity
- The most powerful channel of
communication: Prayer
- The most contagious spirit: Enthusiasm
- The most important thing in life: GOD
Submitted by Sister Wink, Younkers, NY
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July
11th Humor Page
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