Humor Selections for May 14th, 2007

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A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo.

Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out.

When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!"

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A Duke was hunting in the forest with his men-at-arms and servants when he came across a tree.

Upon it, archery targets were painted and smack in the middle of each was an arrow. "Who is this incredibly fine archer?" cried the duke. "I must find him!"

After continuing through the forest for a few miles he came across a small boy carrying a bow and arrow. Eventually the boy admitted that it was he who shot the arrows plumb in the center of all the targets.

"You didn't just walk up to the targets and hammer the arrows into the middle, did you?" asked the duke worriedly.

"No my lord. I shot them from a hundred paces. I swear it by all that I hold holy."

"That is truly astonishing," said the duke. "I hereby admit you into my service." The boy thanked him profusely.

"But I must ask one favor in return," the duke continued. "You must tell me how you came to be such an outstanding shot."

"Well," said the boy, "first I fire the arrow at the tree... ...and then I paint the target around it."

Also Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England

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A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher ...

...she was going around in turn asking them all questions.

"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo'."

"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow'."

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa'."

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh... it goes... 'click'!"

Submitted by Dave, Bolder, Co.

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More Deep Thoughts
  • In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
  • Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?
  • Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?
  • Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?
  • If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
  • Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?
  • Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch,' but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?
  • How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?
  • Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?
  • Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?
  • Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things right?
  • Is the real reason women live longer then men because they don't have to live with women?
  • If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.

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A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him...

..., "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.

"They say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed." He thought a minute and then said, "You know,

I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots that I have taught to pray and read the Bible.

Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that...that phrase in no time."

"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw this two male parrots were inside their cage, hold their rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them.

After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

There was a stunned silence.

Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away Francis, our prayers have been answered!"

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Rarely Seen Space Shuttle Activities - Download (Power Point Presentation)

Submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia.

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Cleaver Ads Take 5

Also submitted by Lindsay, Melbourne, Australia

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