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More totally useless facts to
impress bored friends
- The most common name in the world is Mohammed
- The name of the entire continents end with
the same letter that they start with
- The strongest muscle in the body is the
tongue
- There are two credit cards for every person
in the United States
- TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be
made using the letters on one row of the keyboard
- Women blink nearly twice as much as men!
- You can't kill yourself by holding your
breath
- It is physically impossible for pigs to look
up into the sky
- The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick"
is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language
- 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,
654,321 (count out the answer)*
- What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes,
windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Answer - All
invented by women
- Question - This is the only food that doesn't
spoil. What is this? Answer - Honey
- A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out
- A snail can sleep for three years
- American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by
eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
- Elephants are the only animals that can't
jump
- In the last 4000 years, no new animals have
been domesticated.
- On average, people fear spiders more than
they do death
- Shakespeare invented the words
'assassination' and 'bump'
- Stewardesses is the longest word typed with
only the left hand
- An ant always falls over on its right side
when intoxicated.
- The electric chair was invented by a dentist
- The human heart creates enough pressure when
it pumps it can squirt blood 30 feet
- Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months,
two rats could have over a million descendants.
- Wearing headphones for just an hour will
increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times
- The cigarette lighter was invented before the
match
- Most lipstick contains fish scales
- Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is
different
Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
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Pet Truisms
- A dog is the only thing on
earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
- An aquarium is just interactive television
for cats.
- Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it for
ever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10
minutes.
- Cat's motto: No matter what you've done
wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it.
- Although cats are rather delicate creatures
and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who
suffered from insomnia.
- Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact
moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes
sooner.
- Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
- Dogs believe they are human. Cats believe
they are God.
- Dogs may shed, but cats shred.
- Don't accept your dog's admiration as
conclusive evidence that you are wonderful
- I had to get rid of my husband. The cat was
allergic.
- I hope to be the kind of person my dog thinks
I am.
Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
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A tourist walked into a pet store and
was looking at the animals on display.
While he was there, a Chief Master
Sergeant (CMSGT) from the local airfield walked in and said to the
shopkeeper, "I'll take a maintenance monkey, please."
The man nodded, went to a cage at the
side of the store and took out a monkey. He put a collar and leash on
the animal and handed it the CMSGT, saying, "That'll be $5,000."
The CMSGT paid and left with the
monkey. Surprised, the tourist went to the shopkeeper and said, "That
was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred
dollars. Why did that one cost so much?"
The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that was
a maintenance monkey. He can rig aircraft flight controls, score 95 on
the AF CDC test, perform the duties of any MX officer with no back talk
or complaints. It's well worth the money."
The tourist spotted a monkey in another
cage. "That one's even more expensive-- $10,000! What does it do?"
"Oh, that one is a 'Maintenance
Supervisor' monkey! It can instruct at all levels of maintenance,
supervise maintenance at the unit, intermediate, and Depot level and
even do most of the paperwork. A very useful monkey indeed," replied the
shopkeeper.
The tourist looked around a little
longer and found a third monkey in a cage. The price tag read,
"$100,000." The shocked tourist exclaimed, "That one costs more than all
the others put together! What in the world could it do?"
"Well, I've never actually seen him do
anything but drink beer and fart, but his papers say he's a pilot!"
Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
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A cop was patrolling late at night in a
well-known spot. He sees a couple in a car ...
...
with the interior light brightly glowing. The
cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel,
reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the
rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks
to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window . "Uh, yes,
officer?" The cop says: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: "Well, Officer, I'm reading
a magazine." Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop
says: "And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's
knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young
couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's lane....and nothing
obscene is happening!
The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The
young man says, "I'm 22, sir." The cop asks, "And her ... what's her
age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."
Submitted by Jay, Long Island,
NY.
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Also Submitted by Jay,
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Nov 10 Humor Page
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