Submitted by Bill, Ardmore, Pa.
 

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• Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.
• Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
• Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
• Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
• Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
• Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)
• Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
• Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
• Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
• Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
• Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
• Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
• Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
• Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly Sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
• Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.
• Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
• Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
• Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
• Wilson 's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Submitted by Kenneth, Shropshire, England
 

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• Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.
• Marriage is low down, but you spend the rest of your life paying for it.
• Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
• Marriage is the sole cause of divorce.
• Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
• Marriage still confers one very special privilege - only a married person can get divorced.
• Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and around the hands and feet of the man.
• Marriage: the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
• Marriages are made in heaven and consummated on Earth.

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You know your luck has run out when the end of your rainbow is an outhouse

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April 3rd Humor Page