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A women in the group of Americans
Touring Ireland was a real curmudgeon ...
... constantly complaining. The bus
seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's
too cold. The accommodations are awful.
The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. "Good
luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney
Stone," the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today
and so no one will be able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back
tomorrow."
"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We have
some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the
stupid stone."
"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."
"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.
"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."
Submitted by Larry,
Walkersville, Md.
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A South Carolina redneck
passed away and left a sizable estate to his beloved widow ...
...
However, she can't touch it until she turns
fourteen.
Folks in Georgia now go to the movies in
groups of 18 or more since they were told that in some theaters
"17 and under are not admitted".
The minimum drinking age in Tennessee was
raised to age 32 in an attempt to keep alcohol out of high
schools.
Reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi are
considered documentaries.
You know you are in Kentucky when you call
the front desk from your motel room and tell the clerk "I've gotta
leak in my sink", and he says, "go ahead...you paid for the room".
You can tell if a West Virginia redneck is
married. There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup.
A new lottery system is in effect in
Florida. It pays out $3,000,000 to the lucky winner. That is, $3 a
year for a million years.
The governor's mansion in Little Rock was
almost destroyed by fire.. In fact, the entire trailer park was
almost lost.
Submitted by John, Upton, Long Island
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Think a gallon of gas is
expensive? This puts things in
perspective ...
- Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29 ........
$10.32 per gallon
- Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19
...........$9.52 per gallon
- Gatorade 20 oz $1.59 ..... $10.17 per
gallon
- Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25 ........ $10.00
per gallon
- Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15 .........
$33.60 per gallon
- Vick's Nyquil 6 oz $8.35 ... $178.13
per
- Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85 ...... $123.20
per gallon
- Whiteout 7 oz $1.39 ...... $25.42 per
gallon
- Scope 1.5 oz $0.99 .......$84.48 per
gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER...
- Evian water 9 oz $1.49..........$21.19
per gallon?! $21.19 for WATER - and the buyers don't even know
the source.
So, the next time you're at the pump, be
glad your car doesn't run on water, Scope, or Whiteout, or God
forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.
Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
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