While walking along a busy downtown street in Dallas, they see a sign in a store window which reads, "Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each and Trousers $2.50 a pair."

Ole says to his pal, "Sven, look at dat! Ve could buy a whole bunch of dese clothes, take 'em back to Minnesota, sell 'em to all our friends, and make a fortune!"

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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To save money they had to room together. No one wanted to room with Coach Boudreaux because he snores so bad. They decide it's not fair to make one of dem stay wit him the whole time so they vote to take turns. `Coach Fontenot sleeps wit him and he come to breakfast next morning hair a mess, eyes all bloodshot. They say, "Man, what happen to you?"

Submitted by Dave, Bolder Co.
 

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A lady is standing on a third story ledge holding her pet cat in her arms.

"Hey, lady," yells John, "Throw me the cat."

"No," she cries, "It's too far."

"I play football, I can catch him."

The smoke is pouring from the windows, and finally, the woman waves to John, kisses her cat goodbye, and tosses it down to the street.

John keeps his eye on the cat as it comes hurtling down toward him. The feline bounces off an awning and John runs into the street to catch it. He jumps six feet into the air and makes a spectacular one handed catch. The crowd that has gathered to watch the fire breaks into cheers.

John does a little dance, lifts the cat above his head, wiggles his knees back and forth, then spikes the cat into the pavement.
 

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... about what good hunters they were.  Well, it seems that they decided to have a contest, and whoever won the contest would be accounted the better hunter. To make the things a little more interesting, they each put up a pint of the best whiskey they could find.

Submitted by Don, Hagerstown, Md.
 

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• A backward poet writes inverse.
• A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
• Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
• Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
• A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
• A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
• Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
• Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
• Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
• Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
• A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two tired.
• What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway.)
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
• She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don't pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
• You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
• Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
• He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• Every calendar's days are numbered.
• A lot of money is tainted - It taint yours and it taint mine.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
• A plateau is a high form of flattery.
• A midget fortuneteller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.
• Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• Once you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
• Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
• Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.
• Acupuncture is a jab well done.
• Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
• A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
• A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
• A dyslexic drunk staggered into a bra.
• A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
• Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
• A drunk walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
• "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
• "Is it common?" "It's Not Unusual."
• Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly: "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
• An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
• Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
• The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
• Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
• I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
• I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
• I went to a seafood disco rave last week.... and pulled a mussel.
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

Submitted by Larry, Walkersville, Md.
 

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The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar.

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
 

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Submitted by Dave, Bolder Co.
 

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The frog population, despite efforts at predator control, was declining at an alarming rate. A chemist at a nearby college came up with a solution: The frogs, due to a chemical change in the swamp water, simply couldn't stay coupled long enough to reproduce successfully.  

The chemist then brewed up a new adhesive to assist the frogs' togetherness, which included one part sodium.    

It seems the little green frogs needed some monosodium glue to mate

Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, MD.
 

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Lawyer: Have you any grounds?
Pole: Ja, ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms.

Submitted by Sr. Wink, the Bronx, NY.
 

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If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents. The U.S. Treasury announced today that it is recalling all of the Alabama quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each state. "We are recalling all the new Alabama quarters that were recently issued," Treasury Undersecretary Jack Shackleford said Monday.

"This action is being taken after numerous reports that the new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, payphones, or other coin-operated devices."

The quarters were issued in the order in which the various states joined the Union, and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide.

"The problem lies in the unique design of the Alabama quarter, which was created by a University of Alabama graduate, Shackleford said. 

"Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the devices."

Submitted by Sr. Wink, The Bronx, NY
 

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Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
 

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Submitted by Debbie, Middletown, Md.
 

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Submitted by John, Emmitsburg, Md
 

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Submitted by Bill, Narberth, Pa.
 

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Submitted by Linn, Hagerstown, MD
 

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... was fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs, and banners. He turned a corner and saw a building with the sign "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry."

"Moishe Plotnik?" he wondered. "How does that fit in Chinatown?" So he walked into the shop and saw a fairly standard looking Chinese laundry. He could see that the proprietors were clearly aware of the uniqueness of the name as there were baseball hats, T-shirts, and coffee mugs emblazoned with the logo "Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry." There was also a fair selection of Chinatown souvenirs, indicating that the name alone had brought many tourists into the shop. The tourist selected a coffee cup as a conversation piece to take back to his office. Behind the counter was a smiling old Chinese gentleman who bowed and thanked him for his purchase.

The tourist asked, "Can you tell me how this place got a name like 'Moishe Plotnik's Chinese Laundry?

The old man answered, "Ahh... evelybody ask me that. It name of oh-nah." Looking around, the tourist asked, "Is he here now?"

"He light heah," replied the old man. "He is me."

"Really? But you're Chinese. How did you ever get a name like Moishe Plotnik?"

"Is velly simple," said the old man. "Many, many years ago, when I coming to Amelika, I standing in line at Immiglashun Centah. Man in flont of me was Jewish man from Porand. Lady at counter look at him andsay,'What your name?' He say, 'Moishe Plotnik.' Then she look at me and say, 'What your name?'

I say, 'Sam Ting.' "

Submitted by Dick, Williamsport, Md.
 

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