The power of not knowing, maybe

Jefferson Breland

(9/2021) In August’s Complementary Corner, I wrote I would address some of the ideas I introduced about unnecessary suffering in Part 2 of the article. I bit off more than I could chew for this month’s column, so Part 2 will be spread out over the next month or two or three. There are many ways to create more peacefulness in our lives.

Last month, I suggested that Shakespeare’s Hamlet was a Buddhist; that, of course, is highly unlikely. What prompted this ridiculous suggestion is that Hamlet in his reasonably famous "To be or not to be…" monologue posits life is full of ups, downs, knocks, trouble, heartache, etc. This is essentially the Buddhist principle of life is suffering. He also implied and I paraphrase, death is the way to end the "heartache and thousand natural shocks…." To this I said, "Maybe."

The context for my statements involves a discussion of necessary suffering versus unnecessary suffering. Necessary suffering is comprised of things that happen around us or to us, such as physical injuries or the death of loved ones. These are examples of things which we don’t have control over, generally speaking.

Unnecessary suffering generally involves our wanting things to be different than they are and getting upset about them: The car in front of us on the road is going slower than we want, taxes, not giving ourselves enough time to get to an appointment, someone not thanking us for holding the door open for them, Amazon Prime shipping taking more than two days, someone texting while driving, and there are many, many more examples.

Unnecessary suffering arises from our brain via our thoughts. We create it in our bodies based on our ideas about how things should be. It is unnecessary because we actually don’t need to suffer in the presence of most of the people or events in our lives that raise our blood pressure. If we change the way we think about people or the

events in our life like the "slow" driver ahead of us on the two-lane road with nowhere to pass for the last ten miles, then we can remain calmer, be healthier, and arrive happier.

There is a Buddhist adage that goes, "If the world is a rocky and thorny place, which is easier? To cover the whole word with leather or to put shoes on our feet?" The premise being that if we can change how we relate to the world it is easier than changing the whole world.

Here is where "maybe" may be of help. "Maybe" is one of my favorite words. "Maybe" opens a world of possibility. "Maybe" helps me create more brain space. It allows me more time to consider my thoughts. When I use the word "maybe," l do not immediately default to my well-practiced retorts, reactions, opinions, and favorite curse words. "Maybe," when used sincerely, creates a more peaceful world moment by moment. It also creates a healthier body and mind moment by moment.

When we create a more peaceful internal emotional world, we effect the world around us as well. Several months ago, I mentioned the HeartMath Institute in reference to their Heart Coherence work. They have done scientific studies where they have measured the electo-magnetic field produced by the human heart. This field surrounds us and influences others who are physically near this field. You may have experienced this. When someone is in a mood- fearful, happy, angry, sad, or worried - you may have felt this field of energy affecting your mood. If you stood next to a smiling person, you may have noticed you were smiling and weren’t sure why. This is because emotions influence body chemistry. Emotions are "energy in motion" and are contagious and may be more contagious than any virus or bacteria.

As I have mentioned last month, we create unnecessary suffering when we attach meaning to stuff other people say to us. It is important to remember that nothing is personal unless we make it personal. Just because someone says something, it doesn’t make it true. More often than not, what someone says, says more about them than who or what they are speaking about. Who knew the school yard phrase, "I’m rubber and you are glue. What you say, bounces off me and sticks on you" was a wisdom saying. Of course, in these days of social media, words have a way of running amuck and it is even more important to remain calm and choose our response.

It is important to remember that we have a choice of how to respond to any situation. The writer Viktor Frankl said, "Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way."

Frankl came to this thought while a prisoner in a German concentration camp during WWII and observed men who were on the verge of dying giving the little food they had to those they thought might survive. In the presence of the brutality of their situation, they chose compassion and life for others.

There is an ancient parable from China that illustrates the power of choice. It is called, "The Taoist Farmer." This version is from the writer Alan Watts.

Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, "We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate." The farmer said, "Maybe." The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, "Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!" The farmer again said, "Maybe."

The following day his son tried to break one of the horses, and while riding it, he was thrown and broke his leg. The neighbors then said, "Oh dear, that’s too bad," and the farmer responded, "Maybe." The next day the conscription officers came around to conscript people into the army, and they rejected his son because he had a broken leg. Again all the neighbors came around and said, "Isn’t that great!" Again, he said, "Maybe."

"Maybe" is powerful because it is a self-declaration of "I don’t know" in this moment. "I don’t know" offers us the opportunity to reexamine our beliefs as well as our emotions and the opportunity to choose new beliefs and emotions. It is the beginning of new learning. "I don’t know" allows us to think like beginning students of our own lives. It is an opportunity to make choices that expand possibility and free us from our past behaviors and perceptions. When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

In my example of the driver of the car in front of me that was not driving as fast as I wanted them to, I declared them to be an angel; a messenger sent to help me slow down and practice being peaceful. Is it true? Maybe. What I do know for certain is I have a lot more angels in my life and a lot less unnecessary suffering.

 Jefferson Breland is a board-certified acupuncturist, he can be reached at 410-336-5876. Their office in Gettysburg is located at 249B York Street.