Stupid dog, stupid birds…

'Q'

(7/2021) For anyone who has read my past articles, you know I have a pretty good gig going on. I am an x-feral Tom Cat who now has his own guy, a warm room to sleep in, a never empty foods bowl, and an endless supply of Temptations treats, so my complaints may fall on unsympathetic ears. But after being top cat on the farm for 4 years now, I feel I have earned the right to complain just a little bit.

When I first claimed the farm as ‘mine’, I had to share it with Will, the other barn cat who didn’t take too kindly to me moving in, and Troy and Neilex, the farm’s dogs. It took a while for Will to come to terms with the fact that I was the new top cat, but he has since come to accept that and we are now best friends. As for Troy and Neilex, it was me that had to overcome my fear of dogs.

Troy and Neilex made it easy for me to like dogs. Troy grew up surrounded by cats, so she learned at an early age "don’t chase the cats," so she never gave me the time of day. To the contrary, I soon discovered that whenever I found myself in a fight with an intruder, Troy was quickly at my side to defend me. Her appearance always drove away the intruder, making my life easier. Neilex, on the other hand, was old, and just didn’t care about me, which was funny, as he was a Jack Russell, the dogs all cats at told about when we were kittens and our mom’s wanted to put the fear of God into us.

But Neilex was nothing like that. When it was cold out, we would snuggle up together and share each other’s warmth. As the old saying goes – "age makes allies of us all."

Which brings me to part one of this story – ‘stupid dog.’

Neilex sadly died two years ago. A couple of months later a Jake Russell puppy named Jake joined the family. Jake was the exact opposite of Neilex. While Neilex was happy to simply lay in the sun with Troy, Will and I, Jake is always in our faces. Jake just doesn’t understand personal space. For example, when I’m using a stall for ‘personal business’, he just has to come in and watch.

Now as an X-Tom, I’m good at defending myself, but Will never got street tough, so when Jake comes running at us, I stand my ground and growl, so Jake gives me a wide birth, but Will runs, which make Jake’s day! As a result, Will spent the better part of last summer, fall and winter hiding in the tack room in the barn, which didn’t do much for his figure (he put on a few more pounds then he will admit).

So this spring I took Will under my paw and showed him how to wallop Jake when he got too close. So now, instead of Jake chasing us, I’m chasing him! Funny, you would think that being chased by a street wise X-Tom Cat would put the fear of God in you, but Jake seems to enjoy it. He even turns around for more whenever I grow tired on chasing him. But at least he’s no longer chasing Will.

But like all Jack Russell’s, Jake needs something to chase, so recently he’s taken up chasing birds. Yes birds! Stupid dog. From the moment he comes out of the house, to the moment he goes in for the evening, Jake is always on the lookout for a bird to chase. He doesn’t care if it’s a vulture high in the air, or an airplane – if it’s in the air, he will case it! Stupid dog.

With summer coming, and the heat that I know will follow, I thought he might eventually get tired of it, but then the Barn Swallows returned, and that was too much for Jake. Usually we have only one nesting pair, but this year, we have three sets in the barn, so they are constantly flying in and out of the barn.

Needless to say, the presence of the Barn Swallows short-circuited Jake’s one synaptic nerve and I swear he’s lost his mind! He will run in circles for hours chasing the Swallows as the swoop for insects in the field until he finally falls down totally exhausted and out of breath. I keep telling him to ‘chill out’ but he says he can’t because, as he says: "that’s what Jack Russel’s do." If I didn’t know better, I swear the Barn Swallows are playing with what pass for a brain.

Which brings me to part two of the story – stupid birds!

As I just said, this year we have three sets of nesting Barn Swallows, so there is a lot of activity in the barn aisle. Now as the tack room is in the barn, I naturally have to walk down the aisle to get outside, which upsets the Barn Swallows. Every time I leave my room, I get dive bombed by them, and dive bombed, and dive bombed. All the while screeching: "Alert! Alert! Alert!" They only stop harassing me once I’m clear of the barn.

Now I do a pretty good job of ignoring them, but Will is a weenie, and every time he gets dive bombed, he runs for the tack room and the safety of his food bowl!

Yes, I understand the desire of the Barn Swallows to protect their nest, but let’s be clear, the nests are up on the ceiling, and try as I might, I can’t even get close to them, so they have nothing to fear from me. Yet just because I ‘explored’ once how to get to their nest, they think they have to constantly dive bomb me. Well I’ve got news for those stupid birds – I’m a cat, and if I was motivated, (which I’m not) I would leap into the air and snag one of them and show them who was the boss.

But even if I was motivated, I couldn’t leap because I have to wear a stupid bib my people put on me every time the stupid Barn Swallows show up. The bib really knocks my timing off. So when I do leap, I just don’t get the height is used to, nor the speed. Stupid bib.

So instead of being feared by the Barn Swallows, I get tormented by them, just like Jake used to torment Will. They are taking all the fun out of being a barn cat in the summer! Stupid birds. I hope Jake gets one someday, but then again, it’s Jake …

Unfortunately things will only go down hill for the next few months. Once the Barn Swallows babies start to fledge, the dive bombing will turn into kamikaze runs. The Barn Swallows will show Will and I no mercy, and Jack will lose what is left of his already puny mind running up and down the aisle after them. Then they will have a second brood, with the help of their kids and we’ll have Barn Swallows are far as my eyes can see. Pandemonium will take over the barn. The barn will echo with Jake barking and the Swallows’ screeching: "Alert!, Alert! Alert!"

Fall can’t come soon enough. I need the rest that comes from peace and quiet.

Maybe Will has it right. Just sleep by the food bowl and get fat … But I’m an X-Tom, and as Jake would say: "being outside is what I do."