Seeds & such

Jack Deatherage

(2/2024) "What do you have in the seed fridge?" Is how most conversations begin when I start perusing online seed catalogs. Usually followed by, "Why don't we plant those?" Which is why I box up most of the seed stash every few years and mail the box to a sister in Florida. Unfortunately, the sister in Florida is no longer accepting seeds from yankeeland. She's taken to only growing flowers and veggies suited to her growing conditions.

Fortunately, someone in Thurmont is setting up a seed library and will happily accept the seeds I need to get rid of so the DW can't use my stash to control my, "Oo! I wanna trial those!" Toss in how much the DW hates winter, along with some pictures of pretty flowers, and we're over $220 worth of seed orders so far this winter!

It's unusual the DW agrees to spending more than $100 on seeds.

"No more!" Comes a command backed by the sudden heat of the DW's Balor of the evil eye glare.

"Yes dear."

"Don't you 'yes dear' me. I know you."

I remind her she wants seed taters and I'll need some veggie and flower sets for the kids to plant come Earth Day. She mutters something like, "Fine. But NO MORE seeds."

"Eh-hem."

"Now what?"

"We have two round beds waiting to be assembled and still need two more for the library's use. Those are $120 each. And while we have two larger beds to place where last year's flowerbed is, I'd like to order three more. Those are $180 each."

She's given up stopping the purchase of raised beds for the library's use, but continues the argument for only three raised beds for the flowerbed with in ground plantings between them. If I win the argument we'll have spent $1,600 on the 2024 community garden and it ain't even seed starting time!

I back off on buying three more large beds and allow I can work with one more, given we found a wheelbarrow we want that costs over $200- a tool we can easily transport in the car so we can use it at home and the Cedar Ave Community Garden. We also hope to acquire at least two 16' hog/cattle panels to make arches for the kids section of the community garden- about $30 each, and I need to find someone willing to haul them to the garden. (sigh) I knew I should have bought a pick'em up truck instead of a car. Ah well.

The DW did not bother to total up last year's layout for the community garden, but my estimate comes to about $2,000. Obviously we're on track to spend at least that much this year, which has caused another gardener and more than one town commissioner to tell me I should be turning in my receipts to the town office for reimbursement. Pfft. Not going to happen.

As well as last year's garden went, the project could still fail, especially if I'm left to make most of the decisions! I see no reason the taxpayers should foot the bills during the establishment of the garden. Besides, I no longer buy motorcycles, imbibe adult beverages, fish or hunt. What else I got to spend money on? Sure, a seriously comfortable recliner and an even more comfortable mattress would be nice, but I'd never get anything done if I had either of those!

First Sister should be occupying the upstairs apartment by the end of the month. She says she's had enough of the South and wants to enjoy winters again. I'm concerned she may have lost her mind after 14 years of living in the South, but I'm certainly not going to refuse her offer to help with the gardens!

A thing that worries me, First Sister is at least as frugal as is the DW. That, and her having not lived under the same roof with me for the last 44 years, she's likely immune to my constant jabbering and won't be as easily swayed by it as the DW is. Not that the DW is easy. Gods no! She's just worn out after 38 years of enduring my blather. If they join forces, as they probably will, they might, maybe, possibly be able to interrupt my daily naps (about the only time I'm not jabber-jawing) and force me into doing some manual labor other than exhausting myself while doing online searches for new garden stuff to buy!

Other than First Sister helping with the gardens I'm hoping to con- urr... persuade her to volunteer her time at the library teaching kids to crochet and maybe do a lecture on how to get into drawing and painting without spending a fortune on art supplies. That would get me out of doing lectures at the library while freeing up more nap time!

I'm also thinking she might crochet some items we can sell at next year's farmers market. She wants to get the DW back into the craft as well. The pair of them "frogging", "weaving in ends" and debating projects, patterns, and which yarns and colors to use while throwing around arcane terms like- slip stitch, half double crochet, double treble and yarn over -for hours at a stretch should give me plenty of time to study the insides of me eyelids and contemplate important guy things. Such as what I'll cook for the next meal, and what I should get the women to harvest and wash for the farmers market table I'll be napping behind on Fridays. A man's, at least a lazy man's, work is never done. (That's a truism I would add to The Scriptures... if I weren't too lazy to write them.)

To show some small initiative, as small as possible, I'll spend what's left of this winter trialing cookies and breads I think might go over well at the farmers market. I'd thought about selling homemade egg noodles as well, but after reading up on the state and county's cottage food laws (some of which I've probably been in violation of for at least a decade, though I'll never admit to it) I'll keep the excellent egg noodles for family and friends that might, but it's unlikely, be invited to dine with us. Besides, making egg noodles is more active work than making either cookies or bread!

I just had a horrible thought! What if the Oklahoma Homesteader and the Mad One showed up here at the same time this coming warm season? Four females all determined to get me to do do some actual work?

Mother of the Laughing Gods! I'd have to acquire an Army surplus tent, a subarctic sleeping bag, some campfire cookware and wander off to the community park to camp somewhere along Toms Creek until I either succumb to rabies, hypothermia, eat something too toxic to digest, or drown in a flood.

Hmm... That would cut the household food bill by nearly a hundred bucks a week.