Wuhan Flu

Jack Deatherage

(4/2020) The balding, gray haired, six-eyed, potbellied macaque (Homo hibernatum) - this burg's village idiot - I'm enjoying watching my ape cousins -Homo ovis (distant cousins) run amuck as they strip "big box" to tiny M&P stores of every shred of toilet paper. (Amuck originally meant: attacking furiously -from the Malay amuk.)

With a growing number of news stories about gun shops rapidly selling out of 9mm ammo, and getting requests for ‘out of state’ online gun sales cropping up on the internet, I figure it won't be long before ‘amuck’ reclaims it's original meaning. Though many a new wannabe gun buyer is realizing how much "the right of the people to keep and bear Arms" has been infringed upon while they blissfully ignored reality, some venial part of me is giggling at their plight.

Australopithecus ad nauseam - the ideological chattering heads of former news organs - are spew their twisted reports on the virus to lead their herds of H. ovis against political rival herds. Meanwhile, Homo sapiens - doctors of virology and medicine - struggle to be heard above the political haranguing.

It's difficult to take any of the panic mongering motor mouths seriously when the A. ad nauseam class spends days chattering about the name of the viral outbreak. The ‘orange man bad’ H. ovis herd gasps in mock outrage at the President's use of "Chinese virus" after its own gaggle of A. ad nauseam coined the terms "Wuhan virus" and "Chinese virus" before the Chinese government claimed those terms were racist.

The why of anyone worrying about the Chinese government's complaints puzzles me. Who seriously gives credence to anything coming from a government that still denies it murdered about two thousand of its own citizens for peacefully protesting at Tiananmen Square on June 4 and 5, 1989? Why we would believe anything coming out of China concerning this virus unless it's being reported by our people- on the ground in China -observing what is happening? (Given China's notorious restrictions on what it allows to reach the average Chinese citizen via the internet, I was not surprised to learn they were removing US news journalists from their country.)

Another A. ad nauseam bit of propaganda was the story about the H. ovis herd panicking (only the gods know why) and buying up all the available medical and surgical face masks, then stealing them from hospitals when the market went dry. The ‘former’ news media - doing some panicking of their own as they realized they had caused the herd to bolt in an unexpected direction - began telling its freaked out audiences the masks would not protect them from the virus and the medical professions desperately need the masks to do their jobs. (I've been laughing so hard at that line of bull stuff I actually missed a few morning naps!)

Seriously? The masks will not protect the citizen wearer, but will protect doctors, nurses, EMS personnel and too important to die governing personnel from the virus? Why did pigs lecturing the gullible animals in G. Orwell's ‘Animal Farm’ suddenly come to mind?

MomD's stories of polio epidemics and people walking around with mouths and noses covered by medical masks during her childhood emerged from my memory hole. Were the medical facemasks of the 1930s and 40s better at their purpose than our current masks? Am I to take anything seriously that comes spewing from the mouths of A. ad nauseam?

So who do I take seriously? The CDC: "Wash your hands with soap and water, don't touch your face, stay away from people showing symptoms of the virus and put distance between yourself and other people if COVID-19 (Wuhan flu) is spreading in your community". I also listen to a local couple who work in the medical field (possibly the bio-labs at USAMRID or NIH) who told me: "Wash your hands with soap and water, don't touch your face, stay away from people showing symptoms of the virus and put distance between yourself and other people if COVID-19 (Wuhan flu) is spreading in your community". And there's Alton Brown. Yes, Alton Brown, the Cable TV food science guy who told me why properly washing my hands works to prevent the spread of the Wuhan flu!

A nuclear engineer (the Editor of this paper) suggested I read Reuters, Associated Press and the BBC when I want real news. I tried all of them. They ain't nearly as amusing as the gaggle of A. ad nauseam … come to think of it, he isn’t funny either.

Do I still watch A. ad nauseam when I'm online? Certainly, if it crops up like the garden weed it is among the internet news feeds I find useful! CNN, MSNBC and NBC are funnier than Comedy Central ever was. I'm generally up for a good laugh, unless I'm napping, building breads, making cookies, playing with the dogs, reading, sowing veggie and flower seeds, or toddering around the community park making very short videos - for Facebook connected family and friends who seem to appreciate an occasional break from the A. ad nauseam bombardment of bat slobber journalism.

The DW ignores everything to do with the Wuhan flu when she's at home. She says she gets enough of the fear mongering when she's with her mom a few hours very day and can't avoid the TV. She follows the CDC's precautions and uses a hand sanitizer when we have to go into public places, but those amount to grocery and drug stores two or three times a week. The rest of her weekly routine is kicking back to watch YouTube shows, or read novels before packing them up to mail to the offspring 800 or so miles away.

When I told her the talking heads were claiming everyone would get the Wuhan flu, and those over age 60 were more likely die, she shrugged. "So? We have to die of something."

I'm of a similar mind. Neither of us is in a rush to see what's after this life- we're more concerned about the kidlet and his DW. Having recently buried my mom and the DW's da (both were months in long term care nursing homes) we'd rather see what little equity (perhaps enough to dispose of our corpses) we have go to the offspring rather than toward extended care for either of us. Which means if we get sick we weather the illness in-house as we've no way to pay for hospital care, nor most likely whatever drugs a doctor might recommend. Not that either of us is worried about this. We chose the circumstances we're in, knowing we might crap out when we threw the dice.

Some of the panic mongers have suggested this virus may be the end of civilization as we've known it. Thinking on that, I asked the DW what she thought might be Modern Western Civilization's greatest achievement.

"I've not thought about it." She has more practical things to ponder I guess.

"How about the creation of toilet paper?" I offered.