Creative
How We
Respond to the Temperate
Dr. Brokow, VMD
President, Former-Former Boozers Association
Harry Scherer
Class of 2022
(1/2019) Editor’s Note: While
sifting through some of her grandfather’s effects, our
Pet’s column writer.
Dr.
Kimberly Brokow came across the follow speech her
grandfather apparently gave at the first general meting of
the Emmitsburg Chapter of the Former Former Boozers
Association after the passing of the Probation amendment
in January, 1919.
Special thanks to Harry Scherer, MSMU class of 2022 for
interpreting Dr. Brokow’s chicken scratch. [The elder Dr.
Brokow’s, not Kim’s]
Welcome, all, to the gathering
that your wives just understand to be "meetin’ up with the
boys." That’s fine to keep it that way. As long as
everyone’s dedication to our valiant cause remains
focused, I don’t care what you tell your wives.
I thought that we would adjourn
tonight’s meeting with a drink: a drink to what it means
to be Men. Here at the Former Former Boozers Association,
we’ve been to the dark side. We know what it means to work
hard all day, return to the house after dark and have to
listen to the wife for who knows how long and have to
remember all that.
The Former Boozers Association did
not fulfill our needs as hardworking Men, so the band
decided to add another "Former" to the name. Seemed more
appropriate. Unfortunately, today, we must raise our
glasses in the underground. We cannot raise them to
liberty and freedom as we once did so proudly.
This brings us to the meat of our
meeting: the ridiculous policy of the United States
government against the very values on which this country
was founded: life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
Values that are now threatened by the recent passage of
ill thought out, Suffragette supported, Prohibition
Amendment to of illustrious United States Constitution.
Washington, Jefferson, Adams and our other founding
fathers are rolling over in their graves at this insult to
manhood.
My life is liberated by my
favorite drinks, so I can pursue happiness! How does the
government, influenced by crooked scientists and special
interests, know how I can best live my life? Somehow,
they’re getting away with this crock, but if we keep at it
in the best way we know how, that won’t be for long!
We know what it takes to keep on
drinking: we just do it. Now, according to the government,
we do it illegally. It could certainly be more convenient
than that. So, how do we further our mission? Might I
suggest that we go through some common questions or
charges that the "temperate" folk bring up against us, we
free Men who are just trying to live and prosper in our
own skin.
They temperately say that we are
being immoral. Oh, the pious indignation on the part of
those who decry activity that they would, of course,
partake in if they had been involved in the situations
which we have had exposure to. It is plain to see that the
hypocrisy on the parts of these religious zealots is
hurting their own cause. As our society has said since her
inception, "we know some people don’t like drinking. Them
ain’t us." Whenever a pious fool approaches you, knowing
that you are a member of this age-old and respected
society for Men of Good Will, be sure to immediately point
out that they have failures as well, and that we have no
intention of pointing them out or prohibiting those
failures from occurring.
Second, some might say that we are
unpatriotic. This charge is preposterous, firstly, because
many of the Men in our society have proudly served this
nation on the battlefield. If anyone were to charge you
with being anti-American because of your repulsion to
Prohibition, be sure to instruct the ignorant and inform
them that never purchased a drop of German liquor during
the war. It’s a Spiritual Work of Mercy, after all. With
these motives, it is tough to imagine how anyone could
label our Brotherhood as amoral or against religion. We
intend to broaden the understanding of those who have not
walked a mile in our shoes!
The third complaint that the
temperate folk have is that the anti-Prohibition movement
is anti-woman. This hesitation against joining our cause
is equally ridiculous to the suggestion that we are
anti-American. Our secretary herself is a proud member of
the female race! She has served us as an effective
note-taker for years and does not find any credence in
these unfounded remarks.
The temperates suggest that the
anti-Prohibition movement encourages violence in the home,
between man and woman, by allowing men to lose control of
themselves and hit their wife. If any inquiring person
suggests that he finds credence in these remarks,
immediately remind him that the Former Former Boozers
Association helps Men find their purpose by expressing
their freedom and liberty as Americans.
Nowhere in that mission statement
is there an encouragement or endorsement of violence or
out-of-hand drunken behavior against a woman. In fact,
quite the contrary. Many of our Men have reported at
meetings such as this that their wives have noticed their
husbands to be more agreeable and more relaxed since they
joined our Ancient Association. The wives, of course, are
not aware of the source of this agreeableness or
relaxation For all they know, adding a touch of cinnamon
in the marinara sauce did ameliorate their husband’s rash
behavior.
Lastly, I would like to remind all
of our members of the sins of those in the Prohibition
movement and those who support that devilish 18th
Amendment. These people have the efforts of discriminating
against those among us who do not have the financial means
to purchase high-quality liquor. The poor are the driving
force behind our campaign, because they cannot fight for
themselves! Once we secure liberty and freedom for the
least of us, we will all be able to raise a glass together
in peace. Those who fight for Prohibition fight for
discrimination against the poor. That’s always a good
line.
Be sure to mention that if anyone
asks why you are a part of our Manly Association. I would
also encourage you to remind those patient inquirers that
Prohibition is being driven by a lust for money. It is
money that we at the Former Former Boozers Association
pine for. Our quest for unfettered freedom is not driven
by an endless supply of greenbacks, as those at the
federal government endlessly desire. Because of this
corrupt government’s passage of the 16th Amendment,
alcohol cannot be taxed. Instead, they squeeze everything
they can from our pockets after a hard day’s work. They
will never stop. Because they cannot tax our drink, they
tax our work.
Friends, today is a day of great
despair and great hope. We sink our heads because we think
of the direction that our government is going in
restricting the rights of us, Americans. Then, we raise
our heads in hope because we have to raise them back up
again to take a sip in a manner that is proper to a Man.
If we did not, all of our drink would fall down our chest
and we would reek of alcohol. While this, certainly, does
not unappealing to me, and I’m sure not to you, as well,
our image would certainly suffer for those who might be
sympathetic to our cause.
This is a time to remember as a
historical period in our Nation’s history. We are the
fighters in the Good Fight in search for the actualization
of our Nation’s destiny. In the way that we began, let us
raise our glasses and drink To America!
Read other articles by Harry Scherer
Read Prior '100 Years Ago this Month'
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