The unseen woman

McKenna Snow
MSMU Class of 2023

(3/2023) In honor of Women’s History Month, there are many famous women one can research and learn all about; how they broke barriers, paved the way for other women, set the stage… And truly, they are amazing and quite inspirational. But something about this month’s prompt really struck me, and left me wondering: do only women who are famous truly break barriers? Is the only way that one can truly break a barrier by being recognized publicly for it, or by doing one particularly amazing thing?

While there are many types of women who prove that the answer is certainly no, there is one specific woman whom I would like to highlight. She is an invisible woman in many ways, but she is changing the world, without a doubt. In fact, with even just one response or one phrase, she has the capacity to impact the way a person lives for the rest of his or her life. And countless times, she has made the choice to sacrifice for the sake of someone else she loves, shattering barriers of humanity’s brokenness: she is the mom, and she is an essential figure in Women’s History month.

She is unseen, unrecorded, and largely unnoticed by the history books. And yet, the mother daily breaks barriers over and over again—every time she chooses to love. It is no secret that being a mother can be, at times, a remarkably frustrating job. But the role of the mother is much deeper than a job, and cannot be simply reduced to a 9-5. It is a beautiful life with a different kind of obstacle than women in various fields find themselves overcoming (which are remarkable in their own right), because of the unique challenges and relationships involved.

When women break through in the fields of science, theology, or medicine, some frustrations inevitably remain of course, but the barriers broken rarely pose such a grand obstacle as they did the first time the woman was confronted by them. In contrast, the mother is faced with rather repetitive barriers daily, such as disunity, selfishness, and family disagreements. But, with her love, she repeatedly breaks through those barriers.

While many books could be written on the joys and rewards of motherhood, this article wants to consider the mother’s groundbreaking actions in family life. The following illustration gives an example of her confrontation of ongoing and "insurmountable odds." The mother gets past one barrier—the toddler finally learns to eat spaghetti somewhat properly—and, several short years later, she is face to face with the preteen who feels like his mother cannot understand him. She breaks through this barrier by deep persistence, humor, patience, and empathy, and finally, they learn to see more eye-to-eye. Shortly after, she is caring for the tenth grader who needs help with math homework that the mother hasn’t done in years. She stays up late relearning these equations so that she can help her son more fully. Two years later, an unfamiliar wall arises, when the young adult son stops calling when he goes off to college. His new college friends "really" understand him and know what’s in his best interest, so his mother couldn’t be that worthwhile to keep up with while he’s away, right?

Though this one in a way stings the most, she doesn’t allow even this barrier to stop her from loving her child, and bears little grudge. When he comes home for the winter break, she receives him as if he had never left.

When he finally realizes that she has been there all along, waiting for him and loving him all the same, that barrier is broken again. In the most beautiful, whole and reconciled way yet, the adult son learns to love his mother in return, calling home often, and striving to visit as much as he can, letting it be his turn to care for her.

In motherhood, she overcomes one barrier and is almost immediately faced with a new one. The repetition makes her at once both a professional and ever-new at this way of life, admitting her fears and imperfections and yet laughing in the face of difficulties that thought they might actually win against her. Her! The mother who overcomes daily barriers for the sake of her family with a resilience that belongs in every history book on the shelf, next to every president and strong leader, even though her monumental actions are often done in silence.

Significantly enough, none of these difficulties mean that the role of the mother is the most miserable and difficult there is—certainly not. On the contrary, the mother’s role in loving her family is one of the most beautiful, fruitful and life-giving roles in the world.

The mother is changing the world through how she raises and loves her children. They watch her so closely, and hopefully, they carry her lessons and virtues long after they leave home. And, as if in a history book, they can look back and trace the outline of their mother’s life, and see where she broke a hundred barriers a day in choosing to love them even when it was hardest. She gave them second chance after second chance and didn’t shy from difficult conversations, since she knew they could all grow from them. The mother wills the good of her family and those around her often in the most quiet and humble ways—and in these small ways, she is undoubtedly changing the world.

We can read hundreds of history books and get to know many famous people. And certainly, it is a worthwhile endeavor. Yet, history is shaped behind the scenes by the people who raised these famous men and women—their mothers and fathers. In such a unique and special way, every mother has impacted the world, and has impacted history more than she will ever know. As Mother Theresa said, "If you want to change the world, go home and love your family." And the mother who loves her family does just that, every day. In fact, you, the mama holding this paper and reading it—you are changing the world by your love; I see you, and I thank you for every barrier you’ve broken. Your life truly belongs in the history books.