A thousand-word bridge

McKenna Snow
MSMU Class of 2023

(9/2022)  As I write this, the first week of classes has gone underway. I am the RA for the Honors Freshmen girls, and I have introduced myself probably more than seventy times in the last week. I have been going to the start-of-the-semester events, such as ones hosted by Campus Ministry and Residence Life in an effort to meet new students and see old friends. I have thoroughly enjoyed these events, and even just the short conversations I’ve had with the residents on my hall. I am striving to get to know them, and they seem (mostly) enthusiastic about getting to know me.

Of all the things I reflect on after speaking with someone I’ve never met, something particular in light of our prompt this month sticks out to me. In my conversations with the many wonderful freshmen and parents I have met, it is not enough to ask, "What is your name?" and then to say, "Welcome to the Mount!" and then to move on to the next new person.

What really matters to people in conversation, whether they are new to an environment or very familiar, is when others invest time in them. Short, small-talk style conversations are good and polite, but genuine interest in the other person goes much farther than many people think.

I have started to get to know the personalities of the girls on my hall. I am learning about where they are from, and what they are interested in studying, and more.

I could not do this if all I ever said was hello, and, "have a great day." Wishing someone well is always kind, but it is not quite the same as stopping what you are doing to stand and chat with them. It goes a long way.

But, words can be quite tiring. Speaking takes a lot of effort. Holding eye contact, following the words the other person speaks aloud and even silently—these things take skill. Just as authors must practice writing well so it is easy to read, follow, and understand, so too should all people practice speaking with one another in extended conversation, so we can understand each other better. If reading and writing take practice to do it well and to get the full experience and understanding out of it, so must conversation. It is a different form of expression from reading and writing, however, because much more immediately is it a two-way street. You speak words, and the other person hears them and responds. Or, if you’ve ever said something to someone and they were not listening, and their response reflects that, you immediately can tell. And it can be hurtful. There is something on that bridge you both were crossing linguistically that went wrong—you are all of a sudden not on the same page. How can you get to know the other person, or how could the other person get to know you, if you hardly listen to each other?

If all you know of the other person is their name, and that their day is going "well," and then you both move on with your day, very little has been accomplished. You at least acknowledge each other’s presence—even that is a lost art in and of itself because we are often too busy looking down at screens while we walk various places—so that is a start. But you really just stay at the starting line if you never go any further.

You might think, so what? I don’t want to hear the life story of my coworker as I just try to get my morning coffee. That is fair enough. You don’t have to know everyone’s stories. But I argue that you should at least make the effort to engage in the art of extended conversation a good amount of the time. Otherwise, you are missing out. Carry on with this sad tradition of mediocre politeness and you don’t get very far. You hardly know your coworkers. You know very little about the person who works at the register every time you go grocery shopping. You do not know your neighbor, mailman, or the parent who also took her child to the local playground. For a number of reasons, we are too worried about making it weird if we try to talk to one another longer than a hello and a goodbye and an awkward smile to show that we see the other person.

I say, embrace the awkward. Go for the long conversation. Engage in earnest and intentional conversation with the other. You will learn much more about the many neighbors God has put on earth around you, and broaden your friendships, networks, and capacity for love. That is what words are all about, correct? Words function to convey things about ourselves, to bridge the individual islands of ourselves across to the other, and to form relationships—and not just human relationships, but relationships between varying ideas, opposing viewpoints, hopes, dreams, and even shared disappointments. Realizing that you are not the only one in the world who has experienced what you have can be tremendously encouraging.

All this is to say that I am a big fan of more words, rather than fewer words. Reading a tweet is not enough to know everything you need to about the person who tweeted it. A news headline is hardly enough to understand a whole political side, current issue, or piece of history. You must engage in the conversation about difficult topics that is only found in the pages of library books, robust and wordy articles, and ongoing dialect from each side. Short captions are not enough for us to know or truly understand one another. If we only read and publish news headlines and tweets to communicate with one another, we have hardly left the starting line. We hardly know where we stand on current issues, and on our understandings of ourselves, when a few slogans, buzzwords and one-liners is all we communicate with. We must reclaim the lost art of extended conversation with one another, to truly be able to discuss with great care the topics that matter most: you, me, and all the possible bridges between us, that lots of words can help us build.