One Year to go

Leeanne Leary
Class of 2017

(5/2016) It certainly doesn’t feel like the end of my junior year; it feels more like midway through sophomore year, or the more I think about it, maybe even midway through freshman orientation. One year from today, I will be three weeks away from commissioning as a Second Lieutenant, beginning a civilian career, and moving away from the Mount forever. As I try not to freak out about the reality of the next 365 days, and am forced to reflect on the past 365 – I can come up with three real categories that everything over the past year can fit (not so neatly) into: Conclusions, Fears, and Changes.

Conclusions

Okay, so there are a few conclusions I’ve come to since August, here they are:

1) My mother was right all along: my sanity is indeed more important that my grades.

I’ve never been a person to stress over school or spend much time on homework, but the rumors were right and junior year proved to be my hardest year thus far. Between overloading credits, beginning Student Teaching Internship One, ROTC, and you know, life, it has been a constant stream of abnormal stress and an absurd sleep schedule. Interestingly enough, my class attendance reflects this clearly. I’ve certainly learned the importance of a personal day.

Fears

Between impending adulthood and a series of unfortunate events this past year, I’ve developed some very irrational fears

1) Fear of Parking Lots

Hear me out – I backed into a car while backing out of a parking spot in November and now every time I’m forced to drive through a tight parking lot, I cringe a little. Also, every time I’m forced to back out of a parking spot, I cringe a lot. I totaled a car during my sophomore year and have no fear of that road, icy conditions, etc., but those parking lots are terrifying.

Changes

1) Well, if you’ve followed my articles, you know that I had until May 1 to decide if I want to serve out my commitment to the Army in the active component or in the National Guard or Reserves. For the first time in my life, I made a decision early and have chosen to enter the Reserves upon commissioning. Woohoo! The decision has been made – now, my life plans and goals have changed and are currently changing. I was under the impression until the decision that once the choice was made, a weight would be lifted off of my shoulders and a calm, purposeful life would commence. Oh, how wrong I was. Now that the decision has been made and my daily thought process has changed, it is time to figure out a life - how vast an idea that is to even type. I’ve learned a valuable lesson in all of this; before, with the prospect of active duty, I had a guaranteed career, paycheck, place to live, and immediate employment upon graduation. Now, as a result of a single email containing less than two sentences, I have none of that, and I don’t believe I’ve ever felt happier in this entire process.

I’d now like to take a moment to go backwards and return to conclusions-

Conclusion 2

Through the accumulation of fears, rational and irrational, minor conclusions, and major changes, this year has provided me with one ultimate conclusion.

I’m about to offer what is perhaps one of the most cliché sentences you’ll hear in a long time, but I’ve come to the conclusion that embracing and appreciating life for what it is in every moment is ultimately crucial for any true level of happiness and contentment. I learned this through fears, changes, and conclusions.

Conclusions – in review

I think this one speaks for itself – embrace the insanity and stress as a chance to sit on the couch, watch Friends, and eat bowls and bowls of chocolate ice cream.

Fears – in review

Okay, so, I’m afraid of parking lots. I don’t have a valid or logical response to this one – but I do know that had I not backed into another car, I might not be so cautious in parking lots, and if you have ever parked a vehicle you’re aware this is certainly not a place where most people like to, or care to, pay attention. I’ll embrace the dent for the cautious driving I never practiced before.

Changes – in review

So, I don’t know what my life holds now and I’m willingly forgoing a career – I’m taking this opportunity to embrace the unknown and laugh a little every time somebody asks me what my future holds. It’s allowing a new appreciation for each day and each small decision.

Ultimately – I’ve learned this year to embrace each moment. In high school, I created a yearbook with the theme It’s your life; embrace it. The book revolved around embracing every little thing from the pains of pre-seasons to the bittersweet moment of graduation. Finally, almost four years later, I’m taking my 18 year old self’s advice. Each moment this year held a new value – whether it was something as minuscule as driving through a parking lot or a career decision. Each new day offered an insight, or a stepping stone, or anything that I overlooked at the time. To mitigate a senior year of moments passing by with little to no recognition, the goal is to now embrace each moment for what it is and what it has to offer. So maybe I was a little too stressed, and maybe I took one too many personal days, possibly I could have made some decisions earlier, and I probably should learn to be a better driver, but when I take my last final and watch my friends walk across the stage, I’ll be thanking junior year for the lessons and carrying my conclusions into my last year here in Emmitsburg.

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