Change and a hope

Harry Scherer
Class of 2022

(1/2020) "Everyone one thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." So wrote Leo Tolstoy in 1900. A talented wordsmith, he hid an exhortation within his observation and called upon the travelers who sought to venture into the new century to consider that which makes their interior weak before challenging their already feeble exterior to reform that which they thought made the world weak.

There seems to be an air of reflection as we come to the culmination of one year and the expected inception of a new decade. One hundred years ago, the people of 1919 anticipated family reunions after the conclusion of the first World War, unknowingly prepared for thirteen more years of constitutionally sanctioned prohibition and primed their record players for a decade of hot jazz. It goes without saying that our contemporary understanding of the nature of basic necessities, luxury and entertainment significantly varies from that of our ancestors from whom we are separate by a whole century.

Considering the amount of visible change that has occurred on a societal level in the past century, it is difficult for me to even approach an understanding of the change that has occurred within and without myself in the past decade. If I am having difficulty coming to an interior understanding, then imagine the difficulty that would arise in having to verbalize these confusions in the written word. Even if I could lucidly define and enumerate these personal alterations, I am not sure that I would be comfortable in doing so. One of the characteristics of the modern era, evidenced most clearly in my generation and our addictive use of social media, is the tendency to overshare and be particularly vulnerable without taking the concern to censor that which we say and the people to whom we say it. Some in the older generation might suggest that this cultural tendency is not a unique state of things and is indicative of the ignorance of youth. This may be the case. Nevertheless, it seems that the tendency to overshare should be checked lest we risk harming the legitimacy of our individual experiences and the unique promptings of the heart which we experience every day.

In addition, I bear a subtle hesitation with oversharing changes that have been noticed by means of introspection. While appropriate introspection has been previously observed in this column as a positive thing, it should still be recognized that too frequently engaging in the activity could be detrimental. I have been more regularly considering the dangerous effects of this frequent introspection as an effect of the modern tendency to bring all broadly human realities into the academic sphere. Because academic life is appropriately fueled by observation and a greater proportion of the population is being exposed to the academy, the inclination to break down the limits of academic inquiry into the sphere of personal experience seems to have become apparent in our generation. Instead of living life in the present moment, we spend more time psychoanalyzing ourselves and trying to understand the deeper reasons why we act in certain ways as if we are observing the activity of neurons in a science experiment when we think.

With these two hesitations in mind, it would still be appropriate to consider the noticeable changes that have taken place within me in the past ten years by means of the grace of interior motivation or the grace of environment. In other words, the only way that I can justifiably attribute the changes that I have made in the past ten years is through an understanding that they were and are rooted in the will of Divine Providence. In my mind, to deny this fact would be to deny the Incarnation, the mystery which holds that God became man so that man might become more like Him. Through His humility in the stable, His humiliation on the Cross and His glory in the Resurrection, we can see with utter clarity through the eyes of faith that God became man so that we "may have life and may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10).

In general, the change that has taken place the most in the past ten years is the hope that I might see that life Our Lord was referring to in the Gospel in everything. To be clear, the change has been a hope. Everything else is superficial and not worth the ink on this paper.

The Church Fathers say that hope is a "movement of the appetite towards a future good, which though hard to attain is possible of attainment." I cannot point my finger on a specific date or time, but, at some point, I started to think about my life and how I relate with others through the lens of what could possibly be attained, while difficult to attain. I can say with utter certainty that I have been unsuccessful in consistently living through this paradigm. However, it seems to be an ideal which is possible, a hopeful statement in itself.

I have not even lived for twenty years, so all of these thoughts and aspirations could be appropriate for dismissal. I do consider it a challenge, however, in the event that this is a suitable way to look at life. It is surely daunting to consider that everything I think, say and do in this life is a response to what has been asked of me since the time preceding my conception. To whom shall I go and from whom shall I seek guidance? To be sure, my guide is the Lord and those who follow Him. For the next decade and for every decade after that, if Our Lord wants me here that long, my ultimate hope is that I can hear the words which He spoke to Zacheus and be at peace: "Zacheus, make haste and come down; for this day I must abide in thy house" (Luke 19:5).

May you continue to enjoy the blessings of a merry Christmas season and happy New Year!

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