Love is not an
emotion
Harry Scherer
Class of 2022
(2/2019) A couple days ago, I
picked up Fulton J. Sheen’s Way to Happiness: An Inspiring
Guide to Peace, Hope and Contentment. The exterior of the
170-page work is very similar to his other works: the
title laid on the top of a paperback cover in a simple
font, supported by the picture of a handsome bishop with
full episcopal garb in the 1950’s. What lays inside of the
elegant and tasteful cover is nothing short of brilliantly
worded darts of wisdom from a man who has never dated or
married, but who has encountered the Source of Love for
his entire life.
In the introduction, Sheen lists
the three things that man longs for as a "fulfillment of
the purpose of his being": life, truth and love. He
further qualifies the type of love that man yearns for as
"not with a time-limit, not mixed with satiety or
disillusionment, but love that will be an abiding
ecstasy." This qualification leads directly to my primary
assertion: the love that will give man ultimate
fulfillment is not a psychological emotion, but rather a
personal encounter with Christ, either in His Image or in
an extension of His Image, our fellow man.
Sheen then invites us to "go
beyond the limits of the shadowed world, to a Love not
mingled with its shadow, hate." Finally, he points out
this purity of Life, Truth and Love as the definition of
God: "His Love is so deep and spiritual that it is a
Spirit." Recognized or not, this is the Love that every
man is seeking. Sheen invites us to push out of the
barriers of purely emotional love into a Love that is
transcendent and cognizant of the purpose of our
existence.
All these conclusions lead to
curiosity about the features of genuine love. One of the
first components that comes to mind is its sacrificial
nature; "No one has greater love than this, to lay down
one’s life for one’s friends" (John 15:13). It seems that
the point of true love is not a relationship of mutual
amelioration of the circumstances of two people. A
well-trained and good-intentioned government bureaucrat
can accomplish this goal. There is something different
about dying for another, to say the very least.
The immediate question then
presents itself: how can a love of "ecstasy", as Sheen
puts it, be the same love of sacrificial death? With
deeper consideration, there is really nothing
contradictory about the two at all. The ecstasy that Sheen
is pushing for is not a perpetual state of happiness. For
example, would one consider William Wallace’s death on
Braveheart a moment of ecstasy? He was dying for a cause
that was deeply engrained in his being. Every form of
torture that the English government put upon him was, for
Wallace, a furthering of his goal. Wallace’s love of
heritage and people was certainly a form of true,
sacrificial love. He did not die in vain because he died
for something that was good.
What, then, is the distinction
between the death of William Wallace and a suicide bomber?
Both certainly are dying for causes that they deeply care
about. The act of a suicide bomber is not an act of love
because one cannot love evil. The reality of evil is
completely contradictory to the reality of love, that
which is good in itself.
Then we come to the free nature of
love; it cannot be imposed on us like taxes or even death.
Love is a choice, a beautiful choice, to see the good in
another, and in all, no matter what the circumstances are.
As is the case with all the other virtues, we can choose
to be joyful, prudent and temperate and may or may not
recognize the positive benefits of these choices later in
life. But consider if we were forced to speak joyfully,
think prudently or act temperately. We would become
immediately resentful of the imposition of some
self-righteous rule-creator that thinks he or she knows
how to live in all circumstances. Even though impossible,
consider if God did not give us free will. We would become
immediately resentful of Him, our Creator.
Finally, it seems that another
necessary component of true love is that it is faithful.
One who loves never turns his or her back on another
because of self-interest, pride or any other material
motives. What incentive does the lover have in carrying
out this commitment? Like many things in life that have
transcendent meaning, the answer does not seem to present
itself immediately. Thankfully, when one stays faithful to
another out of love, he unites himself to the Cross of
Christ. As Fulton Sheen says, "Every other person came
into this world to live. He came into it to die." When we
give ourselves to others in total love, we are being
Christ for the people around us.
While some may think that love is
in short supply these days, it can become easy to forget
that every day a couple is joined together in free, total,
faithful and fruitful marriage. Every day, expectant
parents welcome a new person into the world and a family
sits by the bedside of a dying parent as they expect to
pass into the next life. All of this is surrounded by true
love. Of course, sacrifices were made in all cases. The
happy couple leaves their family to start a new life in
the unknown. The mother of the newborn child has labored
for nine months to allow the full development of her young
child. The grieving family has put their life completely
on hold as they tend to the needs of a parent who has
never stopped caring for them.
We live in this world, today.
People in our community, our country and our world still
lovingly give of themselves in a sacrificial and faithful
choice that brings the image of Christ back to the flesh.
Read other articles by Harry Scherer