My heart is telling me to write this letter

Claire Doll
MSMU Class of 2024

(10/2022) Dear Iced Americano Drinker,

I don’t blame you for being here at Starbucks, too. It’s Friday. A beautiful Friday, the kind where there’s something in the air that just makes you breathe slowly and sink into yourself a little. The sky is entirely and wholeheartedly blue, and the sun is shining. It’s September. The leaves are turning, just a bit, but summer still remains, if only for moments more. Life is good, isn’t it?

I didn’t go to my theology class today. It was cancelled, I promise (I’m not a skipping kind of student). So naturally, I woke up early and watched the sunrise with my best friend. We walked two miles, then made eggs for breakfast, and I had a slow morning full of laundry and essay writing and revising papers. But then I realized just how beautiful of a day it was, and how I couldn’t spend the rest of my life wasting away, doing homework. That I needed to really live, you know? Hop into my car and make spontaneous decisions. Follow my heart, wherever it takes me.

Well, my heart didn’t take me far. The Gettysburg Starbucks is my favorite, of all the ones I’ve been to. And as I stood in line, waiting for my pumpkin cream cold brew, I began having existential thoughts. The annoying thoughts that bug you until you give in, and then you just can’t do anything else for the day. Do you get the same thoughts? You must. You’re a human, just like me, and you’re also sitting alone, on your laptop, in a coffee shop on a Friday afternoon. On one of those days where it’s beautiful and bright and the weekend stretches ahead like a long road where you can’t really see the end. Did your heart tell you to come here, too?

That’s the funny thing, though. How do we know what our hearts truly tell us? How do we know that we’re not letting our lives waste away, with every decision we make? Part of me wishes that when I got into my car this morning, that I would’ve just kept driving. That Route 15 would never have ended, and maybe I’d end up in some random part of Pennsylvania, meet someone new, and experience something crazy. I think a small part of me always wishes this, whenever I go out. That life would do that amazing thing of just flipping upside-down for only a moment, enough to make me feel like I’m not wasting away.

Do you see what I mean by existential thoughts?

I know I’m not wasting away—but also, aren’t we all? In a physical, we’re-all-meant-to-die kind of way? It’s a paradox. Like autumn. Although the fall leaves are artwork, painted like a thousand golden sunsets, what all this beauty really means is death. I could’ve driven all the way to Maine this morning, and still, this truth would be just as relevant.

I don’t think I’m being as morbid as it might seem. I guess what I’m saying is that life has a funny way of making beautiful days, and we can do whatever we want with them. Whatever our hearts say.

You’re drinking an iced Americano, large. Maybe you didn’t get a lot of sleep last night, because Americanos are strong (seriously, that much espresso at 2pm?). But who am I to judge? I’m the kind of person who orders an iced latte decaf, just for the aesthetic. I’m also the kind of person who gets hungry so quickly that I simply need a bagel just to push me through the afternoon. I mean, we’re all humans. We all have our own little reasons for everything, and I just think it’s wonderful.

Here comes a spontaneous thought: do you have any dreams? Everyone wants to travel the world, make something of themselves, or see something they’ve never seen before. Are you like everyone else? That’s not a bad thing, I promise. I’m the same way. I’m only asking, because I want to know if we have more in common than just being here at the same place, at the same time. I want to know what you would do if you won the lottery, or more simply, what you want to do in life. You seem to be my age, a college student. Maybe you go to school around here. I don’t, but I like pretending that I do sometimes. Anyways, maybe you’re one of those students who has a fascinating major, like biochemistry or theatre. I don’t know what I find so captivating about people and their goals for the future, but I’m so interested in how we all view life, collectively.

If you had the chance to go anywhere in the world, would you take it?

What if your heart begged you to take the chance?

Would you listen to it?

I don’t know why I’m writing to you. I could’ve written a letter to my younger self, or my parents, or my best friend. I could’ve written to someone I know dearly, pour all my thoughts and feelings onto a page (and then to the entire town of Emmitsburg). But I chose you—because you’re sitting on your laptop just like me, you’re drinking an iced Americano, and it’s a Friday afternoon. The sky is bright and it’s gorgeous outside, and you could be doing a million other things, just like me. But our hearts have this funny way of leading us to experiences we can’t seem to forget. And maybe we’re not wasting away. We’re just following life, in whichever direction we like.

When I get back to my campus, I’m going to finish my English essay, and maybe bake some muffins with my roommate. We’ll end the night watching reality TV, and tomorrow, we’ll go somewhere new. Somewhere our hearts will lead us.

ABBA is playing on the Starbucks radio, and I wonder if you also feel inspired. After all, it’s Friday. A beautiful Friday, at that. We’re as human as humanely possible. Life is really, truly good, isn’t it?

Sincerely,

A Pumpkin Cream Cold Brew Enthusiast

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