Don’t know what you’ve got til it’s Gone.

Angela Tongohan
Class of 2020

(11/2017) Do you remember when Joni Mitchell sang Big Yellow Taxi and belted out the iconic words, "Don’t it always seem to go/ that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?" I felt that on a personal level.

For the loyal readers of Four Years at the Mount, some of you may remember me. I wrote for the News-Journal during my Freshman year two years ago, then suddenly disappeared. Not only from writing, mind you, but from the University as a whole.

A great number of events happened to me during my sophomore year, but instead of delving deep into the reasons why, I’d rather tell you what resulted from what turned out to be the most transforming year of my life.

I always considered taking a year off before college. It was an option for me as a senior in high school. I always thought that giving myself an extra year to figure things out would be quite beneficial for my future. The transition between high school and college always seemed a bit sudden. That plan, of course, was promptly squashed by my mother, who reminded me that becoming a doctor took almost ten years, and that adding another year to "find myself" could prove to be an effective waste of my time.

In all means, she was right. With the path I wanted to take, and the amount of years before I reached the age of thirty, I didn’t really have the time to take a year off and experiment. But during my sophomore year, for reasons I’d like to remain private, I had no other choice but to do exactly that.

While I was in school, before I left, I was stressed beyond belief. I couldn’t quite get the hang of chemistry, no matter how much I studied, and the amount of reading required for my science and core classes combined were enough to keep me completely trapped in my room for the entire semester, without many breaks. I was going through a crisis because I wasn’t sure what I truly wanted to major in. I had always wanted to be a doctor, but I was slowly realizing that my strengths were definitely not in science. I was secretly miserable.

I had never considered any other major other than one in science, so when I put in serious thought about switching majors, I had no real idea of anything else I could possibly want to do. I was lost. As a result, I was constantly complaining. I complained about school, about my lack of sleep, about always having to study. I stopped putting in the effort and started doing poorly in my classes. I guess I subconsciously wished for myself to take a break. And when events occurred, I was put on a ‘Leave of Absence’ and got exactly that. I never felt happier. At least, for the first few months.

You see, after a few months of doing nothing but thinking, you start to get bored. And in the age of social media, you have the ability to keep constantly updated with the lives of all your friends. I’d watch as they went to parties or attended volunteer trips. I’d watch as they ate lunch together and studied in the library. I realized just how much I missed doing those things, those same things that I used to be able to do and complain about.

Now, I know some of you must wonder why I didn’t simply go back to school. Well, I couldn’t. For one because of those undisclosed reasons, and for two, because I was at the school because of scholarships, and was not sure whether I’d still have those scholarships if I returned.

I was being left behind. I realized how hard it is to get a proper paying job here without a college degree, so I knew that I wanted to come back, but it seemed hopeless. It took hours to get someone on the phone from the Department of Education, and days to receive replies to emails. As the months drifted by, and the next school year inched closer, I started to reprimand myself for not appreciating how much I had when I had it.

It was only until it seemed like I was unable to go back to school, that I realized just how privileged I was to get an education in the first place. I think it’s a very grave issue for first world, technologically-advanced countries like us who are always taking things for granted. Others struggle to have food and water while we complain about not having the latest version of the iPhone. While in other countries, girls fight for their right to education, I almost threw mine away.

It was a wake-up call.

And now that I have returned, I am very thankful for what I have. I have learned not to take things that come so easily to us for granted. We are so blessed and lucky to have the access and means to such basic needs of survival. Because of how easy everything is to acquire, we tend to believe it will never run out or disappear. That’s not true. Education, freedom of speech, mobility, and knowledge… All these things plus more are privileges, not rights.

My year off was not only a smack-in-the-face realization. It was also full of blessings and happiness. It was full of wonder and adventure, and I was able to find what I really wanted to do in life. I was given a sense of direction; a new understanding of the world and myself. I "found" myself. And I am so thankful for that.

Because of this, I am now also thankful for everything that I once had and will have. I can tell you from experience, and with complete and utter belief that Joni Mitchell knew exactly what she was talking about. You really don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone.

Read other articles by Angela Tongohan