(Feb 2011) February, the month of love, at least according to Hallmark. All kidding aside, February 14th is Valentines Day. This of course makes me think of the love of my life, my husband. Without whom I would not have my four wonderful children. So this month I am dedicating this article to not only my husband, but to all the husbands I know who gave
my girlfriends all of their wonderful children. I am very blessed to have such a wonderful man in my life who I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage with in February as well. As you know from past articles I don't like to give the good without giving a healthy heaping of reality on the side and this month is no different. I am going to tell you about some of our rough
spots in marriage and why that is alright.
As I said I have been married for almost 15 years and those years have had their ups and downs just like any marriage. From, the proverbial 7 year itch (which I will explain), the trials and tribulations of child rearing, 5 houses, 4 births, 2 operations, menopause, and the kitchen sink. And through it all one thing remains constant, we still love each
other. At times we may not have liked one another, but we have always loved one another. We haven't always agreed in marriage, but we always support one another and we always agree to disagree with love. When we got married we didn't realize that we weren't going to want the same amount of children but are very satisfied with the compromise of 4. He had no idea he was
marrying a gypsy (we have owned 5 houses) who loves to pack and move. But through it all we have grown closer.
The seven year itch that I referred to earlier, for us anyway, happened right before our 7th anniversary. We just weren't clicking, actually we were fighting over every little thing and didn't much care for one another at all. One night we went on a "date night" and out it came. "You irritate me", or "Well when you_____ I can't stand it" which lead to
"what do we do about it?" Love isn't always the issue many times it is like, and like turns into dislike and irritation and then suddenly you are questioning why you are married to this person. My husband and I were lucky, we had our "date night" and it came out before it got too bad, we started talking, sharing, and dating again. We started putting effort into the other
persons happiness, basic everyday tasks that might not matter to us but do matter to our spouse. I would make sure the island was cleaned off when he got home, or he would help the kids get breakfast if he had a later start to work. Sometimes it is the little things that are noticed and appreciated much more than the grand expensive gestures. Just be sure what you are doing
for the other person is actually for the other person. My husband for example straightened up the kitchen and did not understand why I wasn't overjoyed. The reason was because that doesn't matter to me, play with the kids or allow me the 15 minutes to get a shower uninterrupted and you will see my joy then. My husband will tell you it has taken him 15 years to figure that out
and he still struggles with it sometimes.
We have talked regularly when we hit some ruts and made time for "date night". Our pastor once preached on the importance of dating your spouse. He told the husbands that a date had some rules. Number one the husband had to plan it, and number two it had to be out of the house and without children (or anyone else for that matter) and number three it
had to be some place you could have a conversation and reconnect (no movies). For the wives they had to show up and be appreciative. Boy am I guilty here. I am famous for not showing enough appreciation because (as I stated earlier) it wasn't something that mattered to me, or simply what do I say? Ladies (and gentlemen) SO WHAT, no matter what your spouse does for you it was
still done with good intention. What is that old saying, it is the thought that counts, well it really is. The more appreciation and love you show the more you will see in return. Love really is like laughter...it's contagious!
The funny thing about love and marriage is that even when you think you have finally figured something out it changes, or you forget, or you weren't right to begin with. That is when you have to keep on trudging through and remember the person in front of you is someone you loved enough to marry. Love is, after all, a roller coaster just like life.
With all of the ups and downs and upside downs. Sometimes it will make you smile, sometimes laugh, sometimes cry, and yes even vomit. But how boring to treat life like a merry-go-round, the same circle and the same scenery over and over. What ever you do don't get off of the roller coaster, instead enjoy the ride and hold on through the rough spots.
I am writing today to tell everyone how much I love my husband and how special he is. He used to be a chef so needless to say I eat very well. He is a neat freak, which I don't always embrace, but how much better than being a slob I have to clean up after. He has a great job and is a wonderful provider. He is a super Dad who has spent the last 12 years
trying to be an even better Dad. He is not perfect (but neither am I). He is the man I married, he is the father of my children, he is the man I love, he is my husband!
Read other articles by Mary Angel