Attention to details

Angela Guiao
MSMU Class of 2021

(2/2019) Oh love. The sweet romance, the butterflies in your stomach, the absentminded smile that creeps onto your face when you so much as see your crush’s name. Love, the overwhelming feeling that takes over your entire body, that makes you feel tickles in your toes, and causes blood to rush to your cheeks.

Now for many, February is rather exciting. It means chocolates and flowers, dates and kisses. It is the perfect opportunity for those who are already in love to show their significant others that they do, in fact, love them! Proud girlfriends show off the beautiful roses they received, or elderly wives go on dates with their doting husbands.

And there are the few that sit at home and scream "Bah! Humbug!" at all the lovey-dovey, cushy romance that will effectively take over all their social media timelines during the days nearing the fourteenth of February.

Oh, but love. Love is a beautiful thing. It is not reserved for those in a relationship but for all who connect with others. It is for our mothers and siblings, teachers and friends; it is for our dogs, our books, our favorite foods. We can love, and we always will love. It is human nature.

But how can we show love? Not everyone is sincerely capable of showing their love despite how much we may love a person. Not all people can be as demonstrative as Marianne was to Willoughby (I apologize ahead of time for the numerous references I will include to Sense and Sensibility). In fact, many may relate more to Colonel Brandon, who loves deeply but quietly and without aggression.

Love is visible through the smallest of actions. It is your lover holding the door open for you, or your mother’s reminder to wear a jacket. It is your friends complimenting your outfit or daughter’s good morning hug. Love can be shown and seen in so many ways, as long as you are paying attention.

And that, I believe, is the greatest way one could show love: to pay attention. Paying attention means listening to your partner’s childhood stories even if you’ve already heard them a dozen times before. It means noticing all of the small things, the important things, like the kind of flowers you like or the small passions that bring you the utmost happiness. It is saying "I love you" when you can tell that your loved one needs to hear it, and surprising them when you know they had a more difficult day than usual. Love is noticing, paying attention, and making your loved ones feel important.

Love is appreciating the things that others do for you and being grateful that they did it. It is understanding the significance of their actions and being thankful that they’ve gone out of their way to do those things for you.

For example, when Marianne sprained her ankle running in the fields, both Colonel Brandon and Willoughby called upon her. However, Willoughby brought wild flowers that he picked along the way, while Colonel Brandon brought flowers he bought from a florist. Marianne appreciated Willoughby more because he noticed how much Marianne loved nature and the wild, hence the wild flowers. She failed to appreciate Colonel Brandon, despite his effort, because he wasn’t as attentive.

Willoughby paid attention! He noticed Marianne’s personality and consequently performed accordingly. This made Marianne feel special and as though Willoughby truly understood her. This is what is important.

This Valentine’s Day let us make those who we love and love us feel noticed. Instead of getting the basic, almost expected, flowers and chocolates, maybe get them something you know they would truly appreciate. Put in the extra effort and think about what would truly make your loved one smile.

Paying a little extra attention shows that you care just a little bit more.

Now, I have a short little story. Growing up, I lived with only my mother. Since my dad wasn’t in the picture, I, naturally took on the job of being her Valentine’s Day date. Now, of course, being just a young kid, I didn’t really appreciate flowers or cards or such. And she couldn’t give me chocolate because, well, I’d eat them all in one go. So, my mother had to think of clever things to give me that still remained somewhat relevant to Valentine’s Day.

So, over the years she did a number of things. She was often at work, being a single mother and all, so she’d leave me notes hidden around the house to remind me how much she loved me. Then other years, she’d give me snow globes (since I collected them) and have them engraved ‘Happy Valentine’s Day". And other times, when work permitted, she’d take me on a really fancy date and let me order whatever dessert I wanted.

In all honesty, my mother showed me how it felt to be loved properly. She made me feel important despite always having to be at work. She paid attention to the things I liked, and the things that she knew made me smile, and would go out of her way to do them just so I’d be happy.

So, this is probably the best advice I could give to all of you. It’s the best advice I’d ever given myself, in fact. Pay attention, love, appreciate, and be grateful for the people around you. No one is an expert, and it may take time before you get it right. But it will all be worth it when you see the smile on your loved one’s face because of such little nuances in your actions, in such a slight increase in your attention.

Let us learn to be better. Let us put our loved ones first this Valentine’s Day. Let us try to be a little bit more like Colonel Brandon: learning, understanding, appreciating, and loving all and everything around us.

Read other articles by Angela Tongohan