In a related story, Bell Atlantic announced emergency plans to install a dedicated fiber optic telephone line directly into the radio station. "The existing copper lines are unable to handle the flood of calls from listeners requesting Joe to play their favorite song." A spokesman for Bell Atlantic noted. "Every time Joe announces 88.9's number: 447-5239, circuit breakers across our entire system open." 

In Philadelphia, Dr. Jerry Deadhead, head physician of the classic rock-and-roll sanitarium, announced that the forty-four listeners, who suffered nervous breakdowns after discovering that Joe would not be broadcasting on July fourth, have recovered. Apparently, according to Dr. Deadhead, "When they heard that Joe will be on the air twice this week, Sunday 8 to 11, and again on Tuesday, joy returned to their faces. Of course," Dr. Deadhead added, "anyone who has listened to the Joe Show could have predicted this outcome." 

Constable Odo also revealed that rumors about complaints from local residents about people playing the Joe Show too loudly were false. "Just the opposite, the complainers were mad that they couldn’t hear the music as clearly as they wanted, not that it was too loud." In ordered to address this problem, town officials agreed to add the topic of hanging public speakers from the town’s telephone poles to their agenda for the next town meeting. 

At last report, Joe Ritz remains secluded in his parents’ house. Rumors are that he is working day and night answering e-mail requests for songs to be played.

Stay tuned to Emmitsburg.net for further developments and tune your radio to 88.9 Sunday night at 8:00 for the finest in classical rock-and-roll.